Bitch Slap…The Article
With the Fantasy Playoffs upon us there are some who did not make the playoffs and this article is for them. There were many players that were drafted very high with the expectation of greatness that were major disappointments this season. These players cost you your season and this is your chance to let them know it give them back hand bitch slap they deserve. This is a list of 20 players that I have complied, but feel free to add more in the comment section.
Let’s start with the Quarterbacks where I have 4 on my radar. The first and most obvious for me was the QB that was being taken ahead of Aaron Rodgers and boy are those owners upset to have taken Michael Vick. Vick was supposed to lead the “Dream Team” and all Fantasy teams to certain victory this year, unfortunately all he brought was losses and upset owners. Vick had a 416 yard passing game against the 49ers of all teams, but also had 3 games with fewer than 200 yards. The bonus for Vick was that he was supposed to get a lot of rushing yards and rushing TD’s, but he does not have one rushing TD on the season. Vick was an absolute disappointment who was over drafted in every league and hurt every team he played for, and for that we give him a Bitch Slap!!!
The next utter flop this year was Josh Freeman. Freeman was pegged as a breakout candidate by many of the talking heads this year and boy were they wrong. Freeman had 25 TD and 6 INT last year and 2011 looks more like his 2009 season where he finished with 10 TD and 18 INT. This year he has 12 TD and 16 INT and never looked comfortable all year. He only posted two 300 yard games and only had 2 games where he threw for 2 TD’s which was the most he threw in a game all Fantasy season. Freeman was horrible and any owner that thought they had a steal when they drafted him would like to reach back and give him the Bitch Slap!!!
Then there is the story of Kevin Kolb, who was acquired from the Eagles at a high price to lead the Cardinals back. This was supposed to be the resurgence of Larry Fitzgerald and Kolb was supposed to post the numbers he did in his starts with the Eagles. Well, instead you got only one 300 yard game and the most TD’s thrown for in a game being 2 which he did only 3 times as well as only throwing 3 TD’s in his other 5 games. In other words this guys was a total bust and earned himself a well deserved Bitch Slap!!!
The last QB on my list was supposed to build on the success he had last year, instead Sam Bradford has regressed this season. He threw for 3512 yards last year along with 18 TD’s. This year he has only thrown for 6 TD’s all season and only had two 300 yard games. The worst part for Bradford, besides the horrible TD total is his yardage total. He threw for under 200 yards in 5 games this year with another game where he only managed 203 yards. It was a total sophomore slump for Bradford and for all the owners who thought he would move forward would like to reach back and deliver him a Bitch Slap!!!
Moving my attention to the Running Backs this year, I will give an honorable mention to Jamaal Charles for getting injured to start the season and crushing his teams. That was bad, but at least you had the whole season to figure out what to do to fill his spot, while owners of Chris Johnson had to eat his horrible garbage all year. The fact that he has gone off in 3 of the past 4 weeks would only makes me angrier at his season, when you knew he could and should have been doing this all year long. After signing his huge contract and being drafted a top 5 pick in a lot of drafts he laid an egg his first 9 weeks of the season with only one 100 yard rushing game and otherwise a high rushing total of 64 yards…putrid. CJ1K did no justice to his owners and they have been waiting all year to give him the Bitch Slap!!!
Coming off of a 1273 yard and 13 TD season there were high expectations for Rashard Mendenhall. Mendenhall was a first or early second round pick in most drafts and looks like he will go in the 6th round next year. The stat that sticks out more than any other for me is the fact that he only has one 100 yard game this year, and against the ridiculously bad Browns this week he only posted 76 yards. He was drafted to be a stud that was going to lead teams to their Fantasy playoffs and instead he led them to being out of it by week 7. Congrats and thanks for the help and enjoy your Bitch Slap!!!
Now I come to the first player on this list that I really have been hurt by as I own Darren McFadden in 3 leagues and his brittle body cost me the points total and a few losses. There is no doubt he is a tremendous talent and when on the field is a beast scoring you points for Fantasy, but it looks like he is going to miss his 6th game in a row. Gee, I am in the playoffs and because of you lost my bye and then you just can’t get healthy and allow the team that took Michael Bush to steam roll past me…WTF…the only thing there is to say is get healthy and fast and here is your incentive in the form a Bitch Slap!!!
Now it is time to lay some wood on the cover boy for Madden 12 Peyton Hills. He was the golden child last year and instead he turned into a Diva and had to miss a game because of strep throat on the advice of his agent. This was not a smart move in trying to negotiate a contract, neither was failing to post a 100 yard game all year, oh yeah and getting hurt and missing 5 weeks in a row that was fantastic. You were over drafted and let everyone down and get a well deserved Bitch Slap!!!
Marion Barber moves on to Chicago and Jerry Jones is ready to give the load to his boy from Arkansas Felix Jones and this will be the year he explodes. Well he did explode; unfortunately it was on the launching pad. Jones just never got it going only having one 100 yard game back in week 3. Other than that game his high rushing total all season was 57 yards. Jones also has an aversion to the endzone as he only managed to get in there once all year and that was in week 1. Then there is the fact that when he gets hurt we all discovered just how bad Felix was when DeMarco Murray ran wild with the same holes in the offense. So Felix thanks for the disappointment and a wish you a hearty Bitch Slap!!!
The last of the Running Backs is another guy who signed a big deal in the offseason only to fall flat on his face, thanks DeAngelo Williams. Williams has always been the lead back for the Panthers until this year when it has become clear that Jonathan Stewart is the better runner. Williams only cracked 100 yards once all year, and where you expected him to give you help was in the receiving game but he only has 11 receptions all year. This is crazy since it has become Stewart with 38 receptions that is the real threat out of the backfield. As bad of a season as it has been for Williams he is not going to get this slap alone. As any owner of a Panthers players other than Cam Newton will tell you, it sucks having the biggest Vulture of all time quarterbacking your team. So DeAngelo Williams this is well deserved but we are also giving some collateral damage to the “Vulture” Cam Newton on this two handed Bitch Slap!!!
Now it is time to focus my attention on the Wide Receivers and without a doubt my first and most deserved Bitch Slap will go the feature of my first article this year “8th Pick in a 10 Team Draft” and my number one pick Andre Johnson. Johnson started out just fine with 2 TD’s and 90+ receiving yards in his first 2 games followed by a 128 yard performance in week 3. Then he goes injures his hamstring and leads on all year that it is day to day and he is going to play next week. So we waited and waited and waited and waited so long his Quarterback gets injured, only to finally have him come back, but what does he do when he comes back, injures his other hamstring. So thanks for a great season of disappointment and you are now the proud owner of a Bitch Slap!!!
Last year Roddy White was the toast of the league last year with his 115 receptions for 1389 yards and 10 TD’s. He followed that up by becoming a bust this year only averaging 73 yards receiving a game. He only posted one 100 yard game in his first 10 games and only has 5 TD’s on the year with 2 of those coming in the last 2 weeks. It is nice to see him starting to put up nice numbers if you are still alive in the Fantasy Playoffs, unfortunately most of your owners did not make the playoffs which makes you the recipient of a Bitch Slap!!!
The next receiver to make the list was supposed to be one of the best receivers this year and was on top of a lot of draft boards, and is none other than Hakeem Nicks. Nicks was coming off a sophomore season where he nearly doubled all his production and was primed to take the next step and be a 100 reception guy this year. Instead he has only posted two 100 yard games and those were in Weeks 1 and 4. Other than that he has been a disappointment from where he was drafted. You add to the fact that Eli Manning is having a career year so you would expect him to be rising with Eli, instead it has been the Victor Cruz show in New York this season who has more receptions, TD’s and yards. Thanks for earning your name and always being nicked up and ruining many seasons. Here is your well deserved Bitch Slap!!!
My next victim is another one of the guys who I drafted and has cost me at least 3 wins in one league this season, my no longer good friend Miles Austin. I was having a love fest with him over the first two weeks when he had 14 receptions for 233 yards and 4 TD’s. Then he hurts his hamstring on a stupid play where he is running the ball out of the backfield and costs him 3 weeks. Then he comes back and is not effective and then in his third game back reinjures his hamstring again. Now I am in the playoffs and picked up Laurant Robinson and now have to deal with the fact that I don’t know who to start. So thanks for being so unreliable all season and I hope you like your Bitch Slap!!!
The next player to receive their shame is not 100% responsible for his demise this year, but his numbers are just crap, so thank Peyton Manning for being real hurt and destroying the season of Reggie Wayne. With Manning out Wayne turned into a WR3/4 with only two 100 yard games in Weeks 1 and 12. He also went on a 9 game streak without a TD and only has 2 TD’s on the season. Everyone that drafted him thought Peyton was going to come back and were left with a whole in their lineup due to his absence. So Reggie is going to share his award with Peyton Manning, so here you go boys, see if you can catch this Bitch Slap!!!
This next receiver has done all he could this year to get this prestigious award. He has given up on routes and on his team and let all of his Fantasy owners down, so thanks for the shit burger DeSean Jackson. Jackson was playing for a contract this year that he did not get and it sure seems over the last 6 games he has played that Jackson is doing everything he can to make sure the Eagles don’t stick him with the Franchise tag. Over that span he has 22 catches for 288 yards with 0 TD and a fumble. These are not numbers from a receiver who is supposed to be the best on your Fantasy team. So DeSean for giving up on your actual team and all your Fantasy teams you have been awarded with this heavy handed Bitch Slap!!!
The final receiver to be acknowledged today joins his Quarterback on our list. Mike Williams was supposed to build on his stellar rookie campaign and with the full season of Blount running the ball was supposed to give him more options. Instead what we got was a receiver who has played all year but has not had one 100 yard game all season. That might be OK if he was posting the TD numbers he did last year, but he only has 3 TD all season, just one more than the amount of fumbles he has. Williams had 6 games of 50 yards or less, which translates into a Fantasy dud. Williams seemed to think he was better than he was heading into this season and so did a lot of the Fantasy owners that drafted him, but instead the only gratification some of us have is to lay him out with a Bitch Slap!!!
The Tight End position this year featured more surprises than duds, but there are definitely a few that have drawn my attention. The most glaring is the guy who was taken as early as the late 2nd or 3rd round in a lot of drafts which proved to be way overpaying for potential and that potential turned into losses for the owners of Jermichael Finley. Finley was supposed to be this uncoverable beast who was going to create all kinds of matchup problems and set the new standard for receiving by TE’s, especially since he had the best QB in the game in the most prolific passing offense. What we got was an underachieving player who does not have the take over a game mentality this year. He has not had a 100 yard game all year with his high yardage total being 87 yards which he got last week. He does have 6 TD’s on the year, but 3 of those came in a game against the Bears. He had 6 games where he failed to reach 50 yards and had 7 games with 3 receptions or less. So thanks for the potential and the potential that your owners had to make the playoffs, as most of them did not. You earned this so here is your Bitch Slap!!!
There is only one NFL team that has a player in 3 different categories and that is the Tampa Bay Bucs which brings us to Kellen Winslow. Winslow was not one of the top TE’s taken but he had the ability to be a rising star this year at the position. He did not and maybe I am angry because I drafted him and thought he would step it up. Winslow only had one game this year where he was a difference maker going off for 9 catches and 132 yards against Green Bay. Otherwise he had 10 games with less than 60 yards and 6 games with 40 or less yards. Winslow was also supposed to be a threat in the endzone but he must be allergic as he only found that 2 times all year. Go back to crashing motorcycles in the offseason as you will not be on any of my teams next year, instead enjoy this Bitch Slap!!!
The final player to be awarded in this article is another player that show flashes but just does not give you the points you need out of him on a consistent basis and it is no other than the best first 4 week player at the TE position Dustin Keller. Just like last season Keller started out like gangbusters through the first 3 weeks of the season with 16 receptions for 249 yards and 2 TD’s. Then over his last 9 games has totaled 27 receptions for 337 yards and 2 TD’s. That is only an average of 3 catches and 37 yards per game, which does not translate in helping Fantasy teams win. If you bite on him next year and he starts off with the a great couple of games, which he will, then it is imperative that you trade him immediately or you will end up waiting the whole season just to give him his Bitch Slap!!!
This article was meant to be in good fun and a chance to let some steam off for the teams that were killed by these players. Every year it happens that players disappoint and ruin your season, so when that happens and you have nowhere else to turn to, you just reach back and give those players a Bitch Slap!!!
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