March 22, 2018


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Cleveland Browns

Money Ball: The Sequel

Hate to start out the offseason with the Cleveland Browns, but they are makin’ moves!
Browns acquired: Tyrod Taylor, Jarvis Landry, Damarious Randall
Browns gave up: 2018 3rd-round pick (No. 65), 2018 4th-round pick, 2019 7th-round pick, DeShone Kizer

Building with experienced quality performers that have something to prove, by selling inconsequential draft picks is exactly what Sashi Brown was building up for. It’s a shame he won’t be around to reap the rewards, but these are quality moves for a win-now mentality.

03/09/18, 09:37 PM CST by Wheeler


Tyrod Taylor

Buffalo Bills

Hue Looks To TyGoat

Browns left tackle Joe Thomas, who's pondering his future, is a fan of Tyrod Taylor and has said so on the ThomaHawk Show podcast.

Tyrod is just one season removed (2016) from being the QB11 in average fantasy ppg, including seven 20+ point weeks and six 15+ point weeks. Given the current talent on the O-line and skill position weapons he could improve on those numbers. He has the potential to be this year’s Alex Smith, definitely heading my late-round (12+) QB picks now.

03/09/18, 09:32 PM CST by Wheeler


Deshone Kizer

Cleveland Browns

Packers Get In On The Fun

The Packers have traded for QB DeShone Kizer from the Browns to Green Bay.

This is the best possible scenario for Kizer, who was thrown into the fire last season. Getting the chance to develop and learn behind the best in the business is the best chance he has for longevity.

03/09/18, 09:30 PM CST by Wheeler


Torrey Smith

Philadelphia Eagles

On The Move Again

The Eagles trade WR Torrey Smith to the Panthers for CB Daryl Worley. Torrey Smith could fill the old Ted Ginn role which makes this fairly interesting. Stagg Party says it’s more of a boost for Cam than Torrey himself.

This is an absolute perfect fit, someone who isn’t going to demand the ball, but can take the top off a defense while McCaffrey, Olsen, and Cam work underneath. Torrey is looking like a great late-round flyer.

03/09/18, 09:28 PM CST by Wheeler


DeMarco Murray

Tennessee Titans

Henry Hype Train Has Clear Track

DeMarco Murray was released by the Titans.
No surprise here, expect Derick Henry to be a lead back with 250+ touches, but they will bring in someone that will play the third-down, pass-catching role out of the backfield. I wouldn’t be surprised if they sign someone like Jerick McKinnon or Rex Burkhead, or even Darren Sproles or Charles Sims. There are also plenty of options in the NFL draft, Henry won’t be a true “Bell Cow.”

03/09/18, 09:17 PM CST by Wheeler


Marquise Goodwin

San Francisco 49ers

The Name Says It All

Marquise Goodwin and the 49ers have agreed to a 3yr extension worth $20.3M & 10M guaranteed.

Shanahan has found his big-play threat at a reasonable price. Goodwin caught 56 balls for 962 yards last season, but only had two TD’s. None of his six longest plays (33+ yards) were from Garoppollo so it leads me to believe they will still be looking for a top of the line WR, even with Garcon coming back from injury.

03/09/18, 09:15 PM CST by Wheeler


Jonathan Stewart

Carolina Panthers

The Search Is On

Former Panthers RB Jonathan Stewart is visiting the Seahawks today, source says. Seattle is looking at all options to get that ground game going.

This would be an interesting landing spot for Stewart, but no RB available in free agency is going to do spit behind this Swiss-cheese O-line.

03/09/18, 09:13 PM CST by Wheeler


New York Giants

Building Blocks

NFL draft insider Tony Pauline says "belief" around the league is free agent OG Andrew Norwell signing with the Giants is "a done deal."
The top guard on the market, Norwell was one of ex-Panthers GM Dave Gettleman's most-prized discoveries as an undrafted free agent. Gettleman now runs the Giants, who have needs all over the line.

I like anything the Giants can do to repair this disheveled O-line. Building a line through free-agency is almost always a better option than through the draft, but I would still like to see them trade back in the draft and grab Quenton Nelson, OG, Notre Dame.

03/09/18, 09:11 PM CST by Wheeler


Dion Lewis

New England Patriots

Pass Catching Backs Set To Dominate

On first downs this year, the Eagles allow a 65% success rate on RB-passes. That ranks 29th in the league. Dion Lewis averaged 6.5 YPA and a 59% success rate, and James White averaged 7.7 YPA and a 58% success rate on first down passes this season.

02/04/18, 10:36 AM CST by Wheeler


James White

New England Patriots

Pass Catching Backs Set To Dominate

On first downs this year, the Eagles allow a 65% success rate on RB-passes. That ranks 29th in the league. Dion Lewis averaged 6.5 YPA and a 59% success rate, and James White averaged 7.7 YPA and a 58% success rate on first down passes this season.

02/04/18, 10:36 AM CST by Wheeler


Philadelphia Eagles

Attack With 11

The Patriots defense is particularly susceptible to runs out of 11 personnel (1 RB, 1 TE, 3 WRs), allowing a 61% success rate and 6.0 YPC to offenses when rushing from this formation. The Eagles are one of the most run heavy teams from 11 personnel, recording nearly 60% of their total rushes from 11 formation. The Patriots haven’t faced teams like this often, the teams the Pats faced in the playoffs, Tennessee and Jacksonville were last and 5th lowest respectively rushing from 11 formation. This is a massive advantage for the Eagles if they recognize it and use it.

02/04/18, 10:32 AM CST by Wheeler


Jay Ajayi

Philadelphia Eagles

To The Left, To The Left

New England started the season off with one of the worst rush defenses in the entire league, but things have really shifted over the second half of the year. Prior to their Week 9 bye, the Patriots had allowed a 44.70% Success Rate to opposing running backs, the third-worst in the league. That's dropped to about 38% since, and they've had the fifth-best rush defense by Success Rate since Week 12. New England's especially been good at stopping runs to the left side of the field, which just so happens to be where Jay Ajayi has really made a mark since joining the Eagles in Week 9.
I don’t look for Ajayi to make his mark in this game. I know it’s a lazy narrative, but a Blount revenge game seems to really be in the cards here.

02/04/18, 10:30 AM CST by Wheeler


Zach Ertz

Philadelphia Eagles

Pats Could Hit'em Where It Ertz

Zach Ertz leads the Eagles in targets (39) with Foles under center, drawing at least eight in three of their four full games together. Keyed by FS Devin McCourty and SS Patrick Chung, the Pats allowed the NFL’s tenth-fewest receiving yards to tight ends (720) this season, only four opposing tight ends have reached 50 yards through 18 Patriots games.
If Foles continues to pepper Ertz with targets we could see a big game for Chung or McCourty.

02/04/18, 10:25 AM CST by Wheeler


Nelson Agholor

Philadelphia Eagles

Plenty Of Fluids

The Eagles’ biggest pass-catcher personnel mismatch is Nelson Agholor against Patriots slot corner Eric Rowe. Rowe can struggle with quick change of direction, Agholor’s foremost strength. Agholor runs 87% of his routes in the slot, and New England allowed solid games to Eric Decker (6/85/0) in the Divisional Round, and Allen Hurns (6/80/0) in the AFC title game. Agholor still ranks second behind Ertz in Foles targets (29), but has had a surprisingly quiet playoffs with just 7 targets.
This will have to change if the Eagles plan on moving the ball, but Agholor has been sick with the flu for the past few days. He received intravenous fluids Saturday and will play, but it doesn’t sound like he’ll be 100%.

02/04/18, 10:22 AM CST by Wheeler


Danny Amendola

New England Patriots

Danny Playoffs

The Eagles finished second worst this season in percentage of passing yards allowed coming after the catch. Philadelphia struggled on short and intermediate throws this season, specifically to the middle of the field, where they allowed the third-most yards per passing play in the league. Brady was a top-five player in passer rating on these types of tosses. Amendola's been a monster in this year's playoffs for New England, grabbing hold of 22 targets in just two contests, accounting for over 24% of New England's targets. He should continue to play a role on Super Bowl Sunday.

02/04/18, 10:20 AM CST by Wheeler


Rex Burkhead

New England Patriots

Rex Back

Despite being listed as questionable for Sunday’s AFC Championship game vs. Jaguars, it appears as though Patriots’ RB Rex Burkhead will play.
This will cut into the 13 targets Amendola saw last week.

01/20/18, 10:49 PM CST by Wheeler


Adam Thielen

Minnesota Vikings

Making The Wright Move?

Adam Thielen (back) is questionable for Sunday's NFC Championship game against the Eagles.
He's fully expected to play after limited practices the last two days. He probably won’t be 100 percent so if you’re putting in a line-up you might want to pivot to Diggs or save some money and drop down to Jarius Wright who grabbed three-of-six targets for 56 yards Sunday and has established himself as the number three WR in this offense.

01/20/18, 10:31 PM CST by Wheeler


Leonard Fournette

Jacksonville Jaguars

Ankle In Question Again

Fournette aggravated his ankle in the Divisional Round and was limited early in the week. He was left off the injury report for Sunday's AFC Championship game. Fournette saw a heavy workload last week getting 27 touches in Jacksonville's upset of the Steelers. T.J. Yeldon rushed five times for 20 yards and a touchdown and caught 3-of-3 targets for 57 yards. If you’re looking for a cheaper option I expect we see Yeldon to be used to keep Fournette from aggravating the injury early.

01/20/18, 10:23 PM CST by Wheeler


Tom Brady

New England Patriots

Give Him A Hand

Reports are that Tom Brady threw the ball "incredibly well" during Friday's practice. He is listed as questionable for Sunday's AFC Championship game against Jacksonville, but I don’t think there was any real doubt that he’d play. Keep in mind what D-Rex spoke about on the Pyro Podcast 303 andScott Barrett tweeted about Brady last week:
Weeks 1-10: 21.2 fantasy points per game, 110.9 passer rating
Weeks 11-17: 14.2 fantasy points per game, 87.3 passer rating
The hand injury on top of his achilles injury, as well as going against the Jags #1 rated pass defense could keep the Patriots attack grounded this week. Lewis is the obvious play, but if Burkhead (Q) comes back it could be he or White that steals the show.

01/20/18, 10:22 PM CST by Wheeler


Tom Brady

New England Patriots

Tom Still Terrific?

Tom Brady was first listed on the team's injury report with an Achilles injury heading in to Week 11.
Weeks 1-10: 21.2 fantasy points per game, 110.9 passer rating
Weeks 11-17: 14.2 fantasy points per game, 87.3 passer rating

Fantasy Goo: This should line up for a good week for Brady, Tennessee is 8th in fantasy points allowed to RB’s, but just below average against QB’s. The Patriots are 13 point favorites on Saturday Night, if Brady doesn’t do it at home in prime-time then something is wrong.

01/09/18, 07:30 PM CST by Wheeler


Alvin Kamara

New Orleans Saints

Primary Role Shifting

Saints have run 5 times at/inside opponent's 5-yard line over last 4 weeks (including playoffs):
Alvin Kamara 3 carries, Zach Line 1, Mark Ingram 1. Kamara was in on all 3 Saints run plays at/inside 5 vs. Panthers last week, including Line's 1-yard TD run.

Fantasy Goo: If you’re trying to decide between Kamara and Ingram for the playoff run, Kamara looks to be the much better play.

01/09/18, 07:20 PM CST by Wheeler


Bitchslapping underperforming fantasy football players since 1994

Bitchslap!!! Installment 1 of 4 (2017)

Posted by Houdini on 10/08/17

by   The Archer


More Articals


Installment 1 of 4



It is once again that time of year where I do some reflection on what has transpired so far in the fantasy football season. In particular, this is the time to look back on the players who you drafted with the hopes of winning you a championship, but who have not given the type of production that was expected. This is a chance for me to get even for all of you owners that have been let down by these players, and hopefully spur them on to better days ahead. The first installment looks at the performances of players between NFL Weeks 1-4, with 5-8, 9-12 and 13-16 as the following installments. If any player were to be included in all four installments they will be crowned with the Golden Sombrero Bitchslap!!! or GSBS!!! Without any further ado, let’s get to slapping some fools!!!





Derek, the way you started the season, 492 passing yards with five touchdowns and no interceptions through two weeks, I did not figure for you to be on my list, but your last two performances were just awful. In Week 3 you threw for 118 yards with one touchdown and two interceptions and followed up that with another stinker throwing for 143 yards with one score. Now you are dealing with a major back problem and while I am not a chiropractor the only correction I know how to give is this BITCHSLAP!!!



Matty Ice is a true enough nickname for you, the way you have iced your owners out of victories this season. You threw for 321 yards in Week 1, but have only topped 255 yards once since then. That would be fine if you were throwing touchdowns like last year, but instead you have a mere five touchdown passes with five interceptions on the season. For all the weapons that you have on this offense to be putting up these craptastic numbers is a crime. At this time last year you had 11 touchdowns with two interceptions, and this year you have a BITCHSLAP!!!



Ben, you have been as mediocre as ever this year with bland game after bland game. You have topped 250 passing yards in only one game this year, and have thrown for just one touchdown in a game twice. You currently rank 20th amongst quarterbacks, which is absurd when you have AB, MB and LB to distribute the ball to. That has made owners of those players angry as well, and they have called for it and I will deliver your BITCHSLAP!!!



Cam you had a fantastic game in Week 4, but that was not enough to cover up the train wreck you were for your owners in the first three weeks. In those games you threw for a combined 566 yards with two touchdowns and four interceptions, and you failed to help your owners on the ground with 46 yards and only one touchdown. You showed great flash in Week 4, so I am going to give you a motivational kick in the ass with this BITCHSLAP!!!





Shady, you started off the season with a bang running for 110 yards and catching five passes for 49 yards, but you over your next three games you ran for 106 yards and caught 16 passes for 114 yards. Thankfully you were adding yards through the air because you look like your running on empty with a 3.2 YPA and no touchdowns over the first four weeks. You were a top-10 pick and have given your owners nothing but regret, but the one thing they won’t regret is seeing you get your first BITCHSLAP!!!



Demarco, it has been a complete turnaround from the standout season you had a year ago. You have only had one breakout game in Week 3 with 115 rushing yards and a touchdown, but the other three games only produced 44, 25 and 31 rushing yards all without a touchdown. You are no longer getting the high volume of touches, which hurts, but not as much as this high volume BITCHSLAP!!!



Hey rookie you were supposed to take the fantasy world by storm, but instead seem like you have a dark cloud hanging over you. As a runner you have been nothing special with 89 rushing yards on 32 carries and no touchdowns. You have been better through the air with 206 receiving yards, but you have not scored a touchdown yet. You have amazing speed, but have been bottled up this year, so I am going to welcome you to the NFL by popping open your first ever BITCHSLAP!!!



Marshawn, you came back to football to play for your hometown Raiders, but it looks like your best football may have been left on the couch at home playing Madden. You gained 76 yards on the ground in Week 1, and have seen your rushing totals decrease each week since: 45, 18 and 12 yards. You were also brought in to be a battering ram at the goal line, but have only scored once and have a weak 3.4 YPA on the season. I want to remind you of your past, so bring the Beast Mode or in four weeks you will get another Least Mode BITCHSLAP!!!



Hey Joe, where you going with that football in your hand? Unfortunately, not very far as you have only rushed for 136 yards on the season with a paltry 2.6 YPA and no touchdowns. You have topped 50 yards rushing in a game just once, and have been held under 30 yards rushing twice. You have not brought the electric play that many expected; so hopefully I can help turn on the power with your first BITCHSLAP!!!



Jay, you started out on fire in your first game with 122 yards on the ground, but have been silent in your next two games with 16 and 46 yards on the ground. You are also a big play guy, and that has eluded you with a long run of 20 yards so far on the season. The other thing that has eluded you is the endzone with no touchdowns, but there is one thing that did not elude you and that is your BITCHSLAP!!!



Crow, everyone thought you were a solid pick this year that was sure to out produce your draft slot, but that has absolutely not been the case. You have yet to rush for more than 50 yards in a game, have not found the endzone and averaging just 2.9 YPA. You have caused panic amongst your owners, and they are at a loss of what to do with you. Thankfully I know just what to do, so stand up and accept your BITCHSLAP!!!



Paul, you were supposed to be a sleeper this year as you took over the lead role in the Giants backfield, but all you have been is a backfire. As bad a Crowell has been, you make him look like an all-pro. You have managed rushing totals of 16, 10, 22 and 13 yards with no scores, and a ridiculous 1.9 YPA. You may have been the worst running back in the first four weeks and look like you might be the lead candidate for the GSBS!!!, but before we get there let me give you your first well earned BITCHSLAP!!!



Eddie, you were supposed to rejuvenate your career playing in the Marshawn Lynch role for the Seahawks, but you look like an old boat in the water covered in Seagull poop. You only played in two games, and the second was only because of injuries to the rest of the backfield. You have rushed for 55 yards on 16 carries and have not gotten in the endzone. You have been doing a decent job keeping your weight down, but you are about to eat a big ol’ BITCHSLAP!!!






Amari, there were a lot of experts that thought you were ready to make the jump into a top-5 receiver in fantasy…boy were they wrong. In Week 1 you had your best game of the season with five catches for 62 yards and a score, but followed that up with the following stat lines: 4-33, 1-6 and 2-9. That is not WR1 production, those are stats that get you benched and a wake the hell up BITCHSLAP!!!



Crowder, you were a sexy sleeper pick, but you have turned into the girlfriend from hell. Your high yardage game of the season went for 52 yards, and you have managed just 14 receptions for 106 yards with no scores on the season. At least the girlfriend from hell will give it up once in awhile, while you are just the bitchy the side and proud owner of this BITCHSLAP!!!



Julio, you were supposed to be a world-beater this year coming off a down season for you and unfortunately it looks like more of the same this year. You have just one 100-yard game so far this year and have been held under 70 yards twice, while failing to find the endzone all season long. That lack of production makes it easy to find you with this BITCHSLAP!!!



Dez, you had a tough schedule to start the year, but you are supposed to be one of the best receivers and should be able to overcome that…you didn’t. You have been held under 60 yards in three of four weeks, and have been held to two receptions in two games. You have found the endzone twice, but that barely masks the failures that you have given your fantasy owners who hope to see you get it turned around after this BITCHSLAP!!!



From one Bryant to another and Martavis you have been even worse than Dez. You have been held under 50 yards in three weeks and have just one touchdown through four games. You are supposed to be a big play receiver, but that is hard to accomplish when you only catch 10 of your 23 targets so far on the season. That is a horrible catch rate, and a sure fire way to get in line for this BITCHSLAP!!!



Demaryius, you have been a far cry from the receiver we saw dominate the NFL with Peyton Manning, and this season it has been ho-hum all the way. You have totaled 67, 71, 98 and 11 passing yards in your four games, and have yet to find the endzone. Without touchdowns those are games that get owners L’s, and get you a BITCHSLAP!!!



Terrelle, you were supposed to be the most heavily targeted Washington receiver this year with the departure of Garcon and Jackson, but you have only topped three receptions in a game once this year. You also have yet to top the 70-yard mark in a game, and only have one touchdown so far. Your Weeks 2 and 3 performances that totaled four receptions for 50 yards were pure disasters for your owners, who want to see you pick up the pieces after your BITCHSLAP!!!



Kelvin, you have been a Jekyll and Hyde this season with your only good performances coming in even numbered weeks. In Weeks 2 and 4 you totaled 10 receptions for 181 yards, while in Weeks 1 and 3 you totaled three receptions for 33 yards and failed to get in the endzone in any week. We don’t expect you to have 150-yard games, but we do expect touchdowns, and without them you should expect this BITCHSLAP!!!



DJAX, you are always the big hit or miss player, but you have been all misses through the first four weeks of the season, thankfully for you it was only three games but still horrible. In Week 3 you had a strong performance with four receptions for 84 yards and a score, but had lines of 3-39 and 2-20 in your other two games. You have failed to hit on the deep shots this year, so hopefully you will get more in sync after this 70-yard BITCHSLAP!!!



T.Y., you have the excuse of not having Andrew Luck on the field, and with that being said you have managed decent stats, but not enough to get out of my cross hairs. You have been held under 60 yards in three games, and have found the endzone only once. There is a good chance that you don’t return to this article again when Andrew Luck returns, but until then get motivated by your BITCHSLAP!!!





Hunter, you have been a complete disappointment this season after showing such promise in your rookie campaign. You have been held under 20 receiving yards three times this year including two big fat ZEROS. Catching a touchdown with 16 yards receiving in Week 4 was a saving grace, but two donuts will always get you a BITCHSLAP!!!



Jimmy, you were supposed to take the next step in your progression with Russell Wilson, but that really seemed to be lacking after your 3-8 and 1-1 stat lines in your first two weeks. You looked better in Weeks 3 and 4 with 7-72 and 4-61, but you have yet to find the endzone this year. The Seahawks are trying everyone at running back, so you should be a bigger threat in the redzone, but instead you are a continuing threat to get a BITCHSLAP!!!



Last season you made major strides from a yardage and touchdown standpoint, but you have fallen into full regression this season. You found the endzone in Week 1, but only had 26 yards, and followed that up with 4-45, 1-4 and 2-34 with no touchdowns. We know that Bradford has been out, but that hasn’t stopped Stefon Diggs. Maybe you can get your car out of the mud after this BITCHSLAP!!!



Martellus, you were supposed to be a big factor in the redzone and passing game for the Packers, but you have been mostly invisible. You have been held under 50 yards in every game this year and have yet to find the endzone. There are injuries all over the Packers roster and you still are not seeing a lot of targets from Aaron Rodgers. While Rodgers may not be targeting you, I sure am with your BITCHSLAP!!!



Jordan, you have the ability to be one of the best tight ends in the game, but more often than not you frustrate the hell out of your fantasy owners, and this season is no different. Once again you are dealing with the injury bug and missed Week 3. In your other three games you have been held under 50 yards and have not scored a touchdown. You may already be hobbled, so hopefully you don’t break after this BITCHSLAP!!!






Houdini hanging on fire


By: Houdini


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