May 23, 2018


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Eric Ebron

Detroit Lions

Ebron Could Use Some Luck

Colts signed TE Eric Ebron, formerly of the Lions, to a two-year contract. Coach Frank Reich called Ebron an "elite tight end."

The last time we saw Andrew Luck healthy (2016), the Colts used 2+ TE sets at the 3rd-highest rate in the NFL and had the 6th-highest target share to TEs.

04/01/18, 11:32 AM CDT by Wheeler


Carlos Hyde

San Francisco 49ers

Hyde and Seek

Browns agreed to terms with RB Carlos Hyde, formerly of the 49ers, on a three-year, $15 million contract.

Obtaining Hyde has several trickle-down effects; first it replaces Crowell who signed with the Jets, it probably diminishes Duke Johnson’s value a bit. Hyde is a better all-around back than Crowell was and will certainly take over the goal-line work seeing that he’s got 20+ pounds on Duke. It also reduces the likelihood that Cleveland takes Saquon Barkley with the 4th pick in the draft. They will most likely look to draft a defensive player (Chubb) or trade down again.

04/01/18, 11:28 AM CDT by Wheeler


Jerick McKinnon

Minnesota Vikings

McKinnon Goes West For Gold-Rush

49ers agreed to terms with RB Jerick McKinnon, formerly of the Vikings, on a four-year, $30 million contract.

McKinnon averaged a ho-hum 3.8 yards a carry for the Vikings and scored three rushing touchdowns. By contrast, San Francisco's former lead runner, Carlos Hyde, averaged 3.9 yards an attempt in 2017 and had eight rushing touchdowns.

It appears as though Shanahan is enamored with McKinnon's athletic metrics, but I'm not so sure he was "pounding the table" to get him. This move could push the Niner's to cut Joe Williams.

04/01/18, 11:12 AM CDT by Wheeler


Mike Wallace

Baltimore Ravens

Eagles Keep Improving

Eagles signed WR Mike Wallace to a one-year contract.
Mike Wallace can still move posting a top five max speed among wide receivers last season. He will fill the void left by Torrey Smith as a speed vertical threat.

04/01/18, 11:08 AM CDT by Wheeler


Terrelle Pryor

Washington Redskins

Jets Searching For Weapons

Jets agreed to terms with WR Terrelle Pryor, formerly of Washington and Cleveland.

Second year in a row on a new team doesn’t really help Pryor's cause, but I like the idea of him on the field with Teddy Bridgewater at some point. I would imagine, with some creativity, the Jets could really design some innovative gadget plays.
The Jets receiving corps really looks like a bunch of question marks at this point though, no telling what the week-to-week outcome will be with these guys.
Jermaine Kearse: 65 catches, 810 yards, 5 touchdowns (2017)
Robby Anderson: 63 catches, 941 yards, 7 touchdowns (2017)
Quincy Enunwa: 58 catches, 857 yards, 4 touchdowns (2016)
Terrelle Pryor: 77 catches, 1007 yards, 4 touchdowns (2016)

04/01/18, 11:04 AM CDT by Wheeler


Carlos Henderson

Denver Broncos

Sleeper Watch

Broncos coach Vance Joseph said the team is "counting on" Carlos Henderson making an impact in 2018.

If you are paying attention to Staggs projections there is plenty of opportunity for Henderson to step into a solid number of targets in the slot. Henderson was hindered by injury and awful QB play last year. Being drafted in the 18th round or later in best-ball leagues, Henderson is the late round flyer that should be on your radar.

04/01/18, 11:00 AM CDT by Wheeler


Ben Watson

Baltimore Ravens

Watson Returns To Big Easy

Saints signed TE Ben Watson, formerly of the Ravens, to a one-year contract.

Watson had 74 catches on 110 targets for 825 yards and 6 TD’s when he was with the Saints in 2015. After missing 2016 he had a pretty good year with Baltimore last year despite an anemic offense, with 61 catches on 79 targets for 522 yards and 4 TD’s. He’s not a bad late round flyer TE. He’s basically free right now, but I expect by the time the season starts he’ll be being drafted within the top 20 at the position.

04/01/18, 10:54 AM CDT by Wheeler


Jeff Janis

Green Bay Packers

Janis Truthers Challenged

Browns officially signed former Packers’ WR Jeff Janis.
The combine superstar never amounted to anything in Green Bay, I highly doubt Cleveland is the place for him to finally break-out.

04/01/18, 10:50 AM CDT by Wheeler


Thomas Rawls

Seattle Seahawks

Jets Sign Rawls

Rawls had five RB1 games in 2015, one in 2016, and has been a disappointment since. He’s not worth your time in fantasy, but he could cause enough disruption in the Jets backfield to cut any upside we might have hoped for from Isaiah Crowell.

04/01/18, 10:48 AM CDT by Wheeler


Allen Robinson

Jacksonville Jaguars

Coo coo ca choo Mr. Robinson

Bears signed WR Allen Robinson, formerly of the Jaguars, to a three-year, $42 million contract.

This is a great move for Robinson and Chicago. Nagy’s offense and the young QB, Trubiski, should benefit Robinson at least as much as Bortles did, and Chicago gets the top WR in free agency.
Everyone on the team will be in a new scheme so there will be an adjustment, but as they start to gel we should see a big second half. Robinson’s recovery from a torn ACL doesn’t scare me away from drafting him in the late third/early fourth, his current MFL10 ADP is 43 overall while his Draft app ADP is 59.9. I expect Robinson to be somewhere in the range of 75 receptions, for 1100 yards and 8 TD’s.

03/24/18, 08:25 PM CDT by Wheeler


Sammy Watkins

Los Angeles Rams

KC Building Strong Air Attack

Chiefs signed Sammy Watkins, formerly of the Rams, to a three-year, $48 million contract.

I’m a big Sammy truther so getting him in the 5th or 6th round is a pure power move. His current Draft app ADP of 87.1 is an absolute steal, his MFL10 ADP of 69.5 is still a great value in my opinion. There are quite a few options for high targets in KC so I don’t expect him to see the 128 targets he saw his rookie year, but he should definitely see more than the 70 he saw last year. He’ll have an entire offseason to work with the near-rookie QB, and at age 25 he should have enough burst left to have a 70 catch, 1050 yd, 8TD line. For his career he has 16 receptions on 30 targets for 12 TD’s in the Red Zone, and 9 receptions on 13 targets, for 8 TD’s inside the opponents 10. He should be the exact WR the Chiefs need to get over the hump. As a team the Chiefs were 34/75 for 13 TD’s in the Red-Zone last year and 12/24 for 10 TD inside the 10.

03/24/18, 08:19 PM CDT by Wheeler


Kirk Cousins

Washington Redskins

Vikings Like That

Kirk Cousins plans to sign a three-year, fully-guaranteed contract from the Minnesota Vikings on Thursday. The deal is believed to be for around $86 million, and reports are it will be fully-guaranteed, a landmark for an NFL free agent.

Should be a lateral move for Kirk as far as fantasy, better WR’s, but fewer passes thrown in this offense. A healthy Dalvin Cook should be able to run out the clock if they are up in the second half of games and take the ball out of Cousins hands near the end zone. It should also help the overall efficiency of the offense so all in all it increases his floor, but cuts any garbage-time production we’ve seen with Washington. Kyle Rudolph becomes a big benefactor here, Cousins loves his TE, especially near the end-zone.

03/24/18, 08:16 PM CDT by Wheeler


Case Keenum

Minnesota Vikings

Denver Makes Case

Broncos signed QB Case Keenum, formerly of the Vikings, to a two-year, $36 million contract.

Well, I was hoping for more than a bridge QB for my favorite WR (D. Thomas), but this is a definite upgrade from the three stooges Denver put behind center last year.

03/24/18, 08:13 PM CDT by Wheeler


LeGarrette Blount

Philadelphia Eagles

Detroit Sparks Up Blount

The Lions signed free agent RB LeGarrette Blount to a 1-year deal worth $4.5M. He’s back with Matt Patricia, as the New England ties are strong.

The Lions have needed a true goal-line/power-back for years. I expect Blount to get between 150-200 touches and all the short-yardage carries. Detroit’s offense doesn’t really fit what Blount brings to the table, but I expect Patricia will have some influence over how the offense will operate from here-on-out.

03/24/18, 08:10 PM CDT by Wheeler


Cleveland Browns

Money Ball: The Sequel

Hate to start out the offseason with the Cleveland Browns, but they are makin’ moves!
Browns acquired: Tyrod Taylor, Jarvis Landry, Damarious Randall
Browns gave up: 2018 3rd-round pick (No. 65), 2018 4th-round pick, 2019 7th-round pick, DeShone Kizer

Building with experienced quality performers that have something to prove, by selling inconsequential draft picks is exactly what Sashi Brown was building up for. It’s a shame he won’t be around to reap the rewards, but these are quality moves for a win-now mentality.

03/09/18, 09:37 PM CST by Wheeler


Tyrod Taylor

Buffalo Bills

Hue Looks To TyGoat

Browns left tackle Joe Thomas, who's pondering his future, is a fan of Tyrod Taylor and has said so on the ThomaHawk Show podcast.

Tyrod is just one season removed (2016) from being the QB11 in average fantasy ppg, including seven 20+ point weeks and six 15+ point weeks. Given the current talent on the O-line and skill position weapons he could improve on those numbers. He has the potential to be this year’s Alex Smith, definitely heading my late-round (12+) QB picks now.

03/09/18, 09:32 PM CST by Wheeler


Deshone Kizer

Cleveland Browns

Packers Get In On The Fun

The Packers have traded for QB DeShone Kizer from the Browns to Green Bay.

This is the best possible scenario for Kizer, who was thrown into the fire last season. Getting the chance to develop and learn behind the best in the business is the best chance he has for longevity.

03/09/18, 09:30 PM CST by Wheeler


Torrey Smith

Philadelphia Eagles

On The Move Again

The Eagles trade WR Torrey Smith to the Panthers for CB Daryl Worley. Torrey Smith could fill the old Ted Ginn role which makes this fairly interesting. Stagg Party says it’s more of a boost for Cam than Torrey himself.

This is an absolute perfect fit, someone who isn’t going to demand the ball, but can take the top off a defense while McCaffrey, Olsen, and Cam work underneath. Torrey is looking like a great late-round flyer.

03/09/18, 09:28 PM CST by Wheeler


DeMarco Murray

Tennessee Titans

Henry Hype Train Has Clear Track

DeMarco Murray was released by the Titans.
No surprise here, expect Derick Henry to be a lead back with 250+ touches, but they will bring in someone that will play the third-down, pass-catching role out of the backfield. I wouldn’t be surprised if they sign someone like Jerick McKinnon or Rex Burkhead, or even Darren Sproles or Charles Sims. There are also plenty of options in the NFL draft, Henry won’t be a true “Bell Cow.”

03/09/18, 09:17 PM CST by Wheeler


Marquise Goodwin

San Francisco 49ers

The Name Says It All

Marquise Goodwin and the 49ers have agreed to a 3yr extension worth $20.3M & 10M guaranteed.

Shanahan has found his big-play threat at a reasonable price. Goodwin caught 56 balls for 962 yards last season, but only had two TD’s. None of his six longest plays (33+ yards) were from Garoppollo so it leads me to believe they will still be looking for a top of the line WR, even with Garcon coming back from injury.

03/09/18, 09:15 PM CST by Wheeler


Bitchslap, Installment #3

Bitchslap, Installment #3

Posted by d-Rx on 11/30/12

by   The Archer


More Articals


bitchslap installment 3





Well it is time again for another round of BITCHSLAPS!!!  Once again these are the players that have ruined your Fantasy experience over the past 4 weeks and this my chance to lay the lumber to them in a fun way to let me and all of you vent your anger for the poor performances these players have caused you.  Without further ado, here is Installment 3!!!




ryan fitzpatrick pyro character

Ryan FitzpatrickWell Fitzpatrick, you find yourself in my doghouse for your second BitchSlap this season.  After your first appearance in my last installment you tried hard, but could not reverse the trend of your season.  Over the past 4 weeks, you posted only one good game and averaged 231 yards a game over the span.  You only threw a TD pass in 2 of the 4 games and failed to throw for more than 180 yards in 2 of those games…pathetic!!!  You have a very favorable schedule over the next 4 weeks, so if you wind up back here you could be a front-runner for the GSBS (Golden Sombrero BitchSlap).  Until then, I am going to give you the BITCHSLAP that will prevent your beard from growing for a week…BITCHSLAP!!!


christian ponder pyro character

Christian PonderPonder you only had the benefit of 3 games during this span and were completely awful in those games with a total of 443 yards in those games, including a game against Seattle when you posted a grand total of 63 yards passing with an INT…NICE WORK!!!  You have shown a pension for having horrendous games where you post basically no stats, but I can guarantee you that I will register a hit with your owners as you take on my Nordic BITCHSLAP!!!


eli manning pyro character

Eli Manning - You have been atrocious for another November and have run a lot of your Fantasy owners’ teams into the muck!!!  How in the world, with all the talent you have around you have you managed to not even throw for more than 250 yards in any of your games over the past 4 weeks!!!  You also only managed to throw a TD pass in one of your 3 games...this is not the elite Eli Manning you claim to be!!!  Not only are you here, but it looks like you have dragged Victor Cruz down with you…so as a Victor Cruz owner I am giving you a SALSA BITCHSLAP!!!





reggie bush pyro character

Reggie BushReggie, Reggie, Reggie, it appears you have gone back to your roots of having a ton of talent and not producing the Fantasy points your owners need.  You posted a total of 169 yards rushing over the past 4 games!!!  What is worse is that you 41, 21, and 20 yards rushing in 3 of those games!!!  Then there is the fact you are supposed to be a threat in passing game and have not had more than 2 catches in your last 4 games!!!  How you can’t beat Daniel Thomas out of more carries and touches is beyond me!!!  You also remain in the running for GSBS with your second appearance.  Here is your ticket to a vacation on South Beach with a Punk Ass LeBron James BITCHSLAP!!!


ryan mathews pyro character

Ryan MathewsMathews you have been the epitome of a Fantasy nightmare!!!  Over the past 4 weeks you have had enough touches to do damage, but have failed to score a TD and run for less than 72 yards in every game!!!  You were supposed to be top 10 running back, when healthy, this season and have not come close to any hype.  So as one of your owners I am going to stand you up straight and shine this BITCHSLAP!!! up real nice, then turn it sideways and stick it straight up your CANDY ASS!!!  


 matt forte pyro character

Matt ForteForte you started out this quarter hot with a 103 yards rushing and 45 yards receiving with a TD in your first game against the Titans, but have fallen off the table since.  In the following 3 games you have totaled 144 yards rushing, failing to reach more than 42 yards twice!!!  On top of that you only had 5 receiving yards on 7 catches in those 3 games and no TD!!!  You were a Fantasy Stud over the past couple of years, but that reign seems to be over.  In that vain, I am going to give you a bipolar delivery from Brandon Marshall, the reason your Fantasy relevance has disappeared, BITCHSLAP!!!


darren mcfadden pyro character

Darren McFaddenRUNDNP you are making a 3rd straight appearance and are a front-runner for the GSBS!!!  You only played in one game and had 17 yards rushing!!!  You have been a complete disappointment all season and have a lot of work to do in order to not make a 4th straight appearance.  Until I see you again, try not to come up lame after this ankle busting BITCHSLAP!!!


lesean mccoy pyro character

LeSean McCoyMcCoy you are back for the second time this season, and it looks like your season may be over, which is the ultimate Slap of all!!!  Before you took the shot that may have cost you your season, you were trending downward.  You had 4 TD in the previous 3 games and have failed to hit pay dirt in your last 3 games!!!  You, along with all the other Eagles have been a Fantasy Turd Pile all season, so here is your steaming pile BITCHSLAP!!!





larry fitzgerald pyro character

Larry FitzgeraldFitzgerald you have not been the same receiver this season with all the problems at quarterback, but your owners still expected more from the man who all the breakout receivers spend their offseason learning from at your aptly named Larry Fitzgerald receiving camp.  You have managed just 10 catches for a 116 yards and 1 TD over the past 3 games.  Those are the types of stats you used to put up each week!!!  You are just not the same Fitz that I remember, so I am going to warm the paddles and…CLEAR BITCHSLAP!!!  Let’s hope that revives you!!!


mike wallace pyro character

Mike WallaceWallace you have been atrocious since losing Big Ben and have managed a total of 11 catches for 113 yards and 1 TD over the past 4 games!!! In 3 of those games you failed to reach 25 yards!!!  I understand the diminished returns without Big Ben, but these returns are the kinds that lose Fantasy games!!!  On top of that, your Coach is saying you are no longer the starter!!!  Wallace I know you will try to run away from this one, which is why I have Usain Bolt here to catch you down and deliver your BITCHSLAP!!!


 miles austin pyro character

Miles AustinAustin your effectiveness has diminished as the season has gone on and it has gotten so bad that you are making your first appearance on my list.  Over the past 4 weeks you have only been able to garner 166 yards on 15 catches with 0 TD!!! Your yards per catch have dropped from 17.4 in the 1st quarter to 15.9 in the 2nd quarter to a mere 11.1 in this quarter!!!  So as your stats have gotten weaker and weaker you will find a stronger and stronger pain left over from this BITCHSLAP!!!


mike williams pyro character

Mike WilliamsWilliams your quarterback has been getting better and better all season long, but your stats have become more and more pedestrian as the season has progressed.  You have only averaged 3 catches a game for 47 yards and only posted 1 TD, but failed to reach the endzone over the past 3 weeks!!!  Even worse, the past 2 weeks you have failed to reach 30 yards receiving!!!  So here is the, I am so happy I traded you BITCHSLAP!!!


dwayne bowe pyro character

Dwayne BoweBowe you are making your second straight appearance and it looks like I should keep a spot warm for you in 4 weeks!!!  You have 16 catches for 175 yards over the past 4 games and have not scored a TD in 7 weeks!!!  It seems a good possibility that you will end up here again and, thus you are still in the running for a 3rd Slap of the year.  You have the problem of having no help at the quarterback position, but that will not keep you from receiving my wrath and this BITCHSLAP!!!


steve smith pyro character

Steve SmithSmith you have been the ultimate decoy and Fantasy dud this season!!!  Your last 4 weeks says it all.  You started out by scoring your 1st TD of the year to start this quarter, but you have failed to find the endzone again and also could not muster more than 61 yards in your last 4 games!!!  Last season you were a target machine and you had 16 targets against the Bears, but have only 7 targets a game in each of your last 4 games!!!  I have a target for you and believe me it is going to leave a mark Tommy Boy BITCHSLAP!!!


victor cruz pyro character

Victor CruzCruz you have suffered as of late and some of that has to do with Eli Manning and his play, but you are also responsible.  In your last 3 games, in this quarter, you have totaled 11 catches for 129 and 1 TD!!!  You were drafted as a #1 WR and you only have one 100-yard receiving game in your last 7 games!!!  Get ready for a CHUNKY BITCHSLAP!!!


kenny britt pyro character

Kenny BrittBritt you came back from injury and you look like a shell of your former self!!!  In your last 3 games you had some bad defenses to work against and you put up 36 and 25 yards against the Dolphins and Jaguars!!!  You were expected to come back and show the dominating form that you started off last season with, and you have let me and your other owners down!!!  Get ready to be held accountable for your disgrace with this Grand Ole Opry BITCHSLAP!!!


brandon lloyd pyro character

Brandon LloydLloyd you are on an amazing offense and have a Hall of Fame quarterback and yet you continue to disappoint!!!  Over your last 3 games you have been awful, with no more than 5 catches and 45 yards, and of course you have not scored a TD!!!  Your yard per catch average is an anemic 9.7 yards over this span…absolutely horrible!!!  You only have one 100-yard game on the season and have ruined many a Fantasy season, so here is an early Christmas gift and with a hearty HO HO HO I hit you with this BITCHSLAP!!!




brent celek pyro character 

Brent CelekCelek you have been a total waste of a roster space all season long and with no surprise are back in my crosshairs for a second time this season!!!  In your past 4 games you have failed to top 5 catches or 47 yards and have not scored a TD in 7 games!!!  I know that you are on a team with a horrible offensive line, but you have dropped too many passes and have been a total wasteland for Fantasy points!!!  You should be dropped from all Fantasy teams, but until then I am going to drop you with this BITCHSLAP!!!


brandon pettigrew pyro character

Brandon PettigrewMatthew Stafford has started to catch fire as of late, but he seems to have left you out in the cold.  Over your past 4 games you continued to show your pension for not making a lot of the catches you get as you posted an 8.7 yards per catch average!!!  On top of that you posted 3 games in a row below 32 yards receiving and only posted 1 TD catch in your last 4 games, which is not enough to keep you safe from this slow lumbering 8.7 YPC BITCHSLAP!!!


jared cook pyro character

Jared CookCook, you were supposed to be a breakout candidate this year and all you have done is break my heart Fredo!!!  You have only had 9 catches in your last 3 games and 6 of those came in your last game where only posted 47 yards!!!  The closest you have come to a 100-yard game was a 77-yard performance in week 3!!!  You have lost any chance of being a breakout player, so let’s go take the boat out to go fishing and you can say a few Hail Mary’s before I cap you with this BITCHSLAP!!!


vernon davis pyro character

Vernon DavisDavis, you have been an enigma all season and this last quarter is no different.  You looked like you were going to carry the momentum of your big 6 catch 83 yard and a TD performance against the Bears forward, but instead you regressed and followed that game by not recording a catch, which is the second time you have done that this season!!!  You only have 1 TD since week 3 and have been a wart on Fantasy teams, so I have grabbed some Dr. Scholls, and have for you a wart removing BITCHSLAP!!!


jermichael finely pyro character

Jermichael FinelyFinely, you are making your 3rd straight appearance and along with RUNDNP are a front-runner to claim the GSBS!!!  Over your last 3 games you have a measly total of 7 catches for 123 yards and even though you have 1 TD, it is not enough to make up for your lack of productivity!!!  In fact, your season has been so bad that your 3 catches for 66 yards and a TD against Detroit in week 11 was your best game of the season…WEAK!!!  You might as well keep your head down as you leave the batters box with your 3rd strikeout in a row and a high and tight Fastball BITCHSLAP!!!



BY HOUDINI (email me)