March 23, 2018


View all + 8515

Cleveland Browns

Money Ball: The Sequel

Hate to start out the offseason with the Cleveland Browns, but they are makin’ moves!
Browns acquired: Tyrod Taylor, Jarvis Landry, Damarious Randall
Browns gave up: 2018 3rd-round pick (No. 65), 2018 4th-round pick, 2019 7th-round pick, DeShone Kizer

Building with experienced quality performers that have something to prove, by selling inconsequential draft picks is exactly what Sashi Brown was building up for. It’s a shame he won’t be around to reap the rewards, but these are quality moves for a win-now mentality.

03/09/18, 09:37 PM CST by Wheeler


Tyrod Taylor

Buffalo Bills

Hue Looks To TyGoat

Browns left tackle Joe Thomas, who's pondering his future, is a fan of Tyrod Taylor and has said so on the ThomaHawk Show podcast.

Tyrod is just one season removed (2016) from being the QB11 in average fantasy ppg, including seven 20+ point weeks and six 15+ point weeks. Given the current talent on the O-line and skill position weapons he could improve on those numbers. He has the potential to be this year’s Alex Smith, definitely heading my late-round (12+) QB picks now.

03/09/18, 09:32 PM CST by Wheeler


Deshone Kizer

Cleveland Browns

Packers Get In On The Fun

The Packers have traded for QB DeShone Kizer from the Browns to Green Bay.

This is the best possible scenario for Kizer, who was thrown into the fire last season. Getting the chance to develop and learn behind the best in the business is the best chance he has for longevity.

03/09/18, 09:30 PM CST by Wheeler


Torrey Smith

Philadelphia Eagles

On The Move Again

The Eagles trade WR Torrey Smith to the Panthers for CB Daryl Worley. Torrey Smith could fill the old Ted Ginn role which makes this fairly interesting. Stagg Party says it’s more of a boost for Cam than Torrey himself.

This is an absolute perfect fit, someone who isn’t going to demand the ball, but can take the top off a defense while McCaffrey, Olsen, and Cam work underneath. Torrey is looking like a great late-round flyer.

03/09/18, 09:28 PM CST by Wheeler


DeMarco Murray

Tennessee Titans

Henry Hype Train Has Clear Track

DeMarco Murray was released by the Titans.
No surprise here, expect Derick Henry to be a lead back with 250+ touches, but they will bring in someone that will play the third-down, pass-catching role out of the backfield. I wouldn’t be surprised if they sign someone like Jerick McKinnon or Rex Burkhead, or even Darren Sproles or Charles Sims. There are also plenty of options in the NFL draft, Henry won’t be a true “Bell Cow.”

03/09/18, 09:17 PM CST by Wheeler


Marquise Goodwin

San Francisco 49ers

The Name Says It All

Marquise Goodwin and the 49ers have agreed to a 3yr extension worth $20.3M & 10M guaranteed.

Shanahan has found his big-play threat at a reasonable price. Goodwin caught 56 balls for 962 yards last season, but only had two TD’s. None of his six longest plays (33+ yards) were from Garoppollo so it leads me to believe they will still be looking for a top of the line WR, even with Garcon coming back from injury.

03/09/18, 09:15 PM CST by Wheeler


Jonathan Stewart

Carolina Panthers

The Search Is On

Former Panthers RB Jonathan Stewart is visiting the Seahawks today, source says. Seattle is looking at all options to get that ground game going.

This would be an interesting landing spot for Stewart, but no RB available in free agency is going to do spit behind this Swiss-cheese O-line.

03/09/18, 09:13 PM CST by Wheeler


New York Giants

Building Blocks

NFL draft insider Tony Pauline says "belief" around the league is free agent OG Andrew Norwell signing with the Giants is "a done deal."
The top guard on the market, Norwell was one of ex-Panthers GM Dave Gettleman's most-prized discoveries as an undrafted free agent. Gettleman now runs the Giants, who have needs all over the line.

I like anything the Giants can do to repair this disheveled O-line. Building a line through free-agency is almost always a better option than through the draft, but I would still like to see them trade back in the draft and grab Quenton Nelson, OG, Notre Dame.

03/09/18, 09:11 PM CST by Wheeler


Dion Lewis

New England Patriots

Pass Catching Backs Set To Dominate

On first downs this year, the Eagles allow a 65% success rate on RB-passes. That ranks 29th in the league. Dion Lewis averaged 6.5 YPA and a 59% success rate, and James White averaged 7.7 YPA and a 58% success rate on first down passes this season.

02/04/18, 10:36 AM CST by Wheeler


James White

New England Patriots

Pass Catching Backs Set To Dominate

On first downs this year, the Eagles allow a 65% success rate on RB-passes. That ranks 29th in the league. Dion Lewis averaged 6.5 YPA and a 59% success rate, and James White averaged 7.7 YPA and a 58% success rate on first down passes this season.

02/04/18, 10:36 AM CST by Wheeler


Philadelphia Eagles

Attack With 11

The Patriots defense is particularly susceptible to runs out of 11 personnel (1 RB, 1 TE, 3 WRs), allowing a 61% success rate and 6.0 YPC to offenses when rushing from this formation. The Eagles are one of the most run heavy teams from 11 personnel, recording nearly 60% of their total rushes from 11 formation. The Patriots haven’t faced teams like this often, the teams the Pats faced in the playoffs, Tennessee and Jacksonville were last and 5th lowest respectively rushing from 11 formation. This is a massive advantage for the Eagles if they recognize it and use it.

02/04/18, 10:32 AM CST by Wheeler


Jay Ajayi

Philadelphia Eagles

To The Left, To The Left

New England started the season off with one of the worst rush defenses in the entire league, but things have really shifted over the second half of the year. Prior to their Week 9 bye, the Patriots had allowed a 44.70% Success Rate to opposing running backs, the third-worst in the league. That's dropped to about 38% since, and they've had the fifth-best rush defense by Success Rate since Week 12. New England's especially been good at stopping runs to the left side of the field, which just so happens to be where Jay Ajayi has really made a mark since joining the Eagles in Week 9.
I don’t look for Ajayi to make his mark in this game. I know it’s a lazy narrative, but a Blount revenge game seems to really be in the cards here.

02/04/18, 10:30 AM CST by Wheeler


Zach Ertz

Philadelphia Eagles

Pats Could Hit'em Where It Ertz

Zach Ertz leads the Eagles in targets (39) with Foles under center, drawing at least eight in three of their four full games together. Keyed by FS Devin McCourty and SS Patrick Chung, the Pats allowed the NFL’s tenth-fewest receiving yards to tight ends (720) this season, only four opposing tight ends have reached 50 yards through 18 Patriots games.
If Foles continues to pepper Ertz with targets we could see a big game for Chung or McCourty.

02/04/18, 10:25 AM CST by Wheeler


Nelson Agholor

Philadelphia Eagles

Plenty Of Fluids

The Eagles’ biggest pass-catcher personnel mismatch is Nelson Agholor against Patriots slot corner Eric Rowe. Rowe can struggle with quick change of direction, Agholor’s foremost strength. Agholor runs 87% of his routes in the slot, and New England allowed solid games to Eric Decker (6/85/0) in the Divisional Round, and Allen Hurns (6/80/0) in the AFC title game. Agholor still ranks second behind Ertz in Foles targets (29), but has had a surprisingly quiet playoffs with just 7 targets.
This will have to change if the Eagles plan on moving the ball, but Agholor has been sick with the flu for the past few days. He received intravenous fluids Saturday and will play, but it doesn’t sound like he’ll be 100%.

02/04/18, 10:22 AM CST by Wheeler


Danny Amendola

New England Patriots

Danny Playoffs

The Eagles finished second worst this season in percentage of passing yards allowed coming after the catch. Philadelphia struggled on short and intermediate throws this season, specifically to the middle of the field, where they allowed the third-most yards per passing play in the league. Brady was a top-five player in passer rating on these types of tosses. Amendola's been a monster in this year's playoffs for New England, grabbing hold of 22 targets in just two contests, accounting for over 24% of New England's targets. He should continue to play a role on Super Bowl Sunday.

02/04/18, 10:20 AM CST by Wheeler


Rex Burkhead

New England Patriots

Rex Back

Despite being listed as questionable for Sunday’s AFC Championship game vs. Jaguars, it appears as though Patriots’ RB Rex Burkhead will play.
This will cut into the 13 targets Amendola saw last week.

01/20/18, 10:49 PM CST by Wheeler


Adam Thielen

Minnesota Vikings

Making The Wright Move?

Adam Thielen (back) is questionable for Sunday's NFC Championship game against the Eagles.
He's fully expected to play after limited practices the last two days. He probably won’t be 100 percent so if you’re putting in a line-up you might want to pivot to Diggs or save some money and drop down to Jarius Wright who grabbed three-of-six targets for 56 yards Sunday and has established himself as the number three WR in this offense.

01/20/18, 10:31 PM CST by Wheeler


Leonard Fournette

Jacksonville Jaguars

Ankle In Question Again

Fournette aggravated his ankle in the Divisional Round and was limited early in the week. He was left off the injury report for Sunday's AFC Championship game. Fournette saw a heavy workload last week getting 27 touches in Jacksonville's upset of the Steelers. T.J. Yeldon rushed five times for 20 yards and a touchdown and caught 3-of-3 targets for 57 yards. If you’re looking for a cheaper option I expect we see Yeldon to be used to keep Fournette from aggravating the injury early.

01/20/18, 10:23 PM CST by Wheeler


Tom Brady

New England Patriots

Give Him A Hand

Reports are that Tom Brady threw the ball "incredibly well" during Friday's practice. He is listed as questionable for Sunday's AFC Championship game against Jacksonville, but I don’t think there was any real doubt that he’d play. Keep in mind what D-Rex spoke about on the Pyro Podcast 303 andScott Barrett tweeted about Brady last week:
Weeks 1-10: 21.2 fantasy points per game, 110.9 passer rating
Weeks 11-17: 14.2 fantasy points per game, 87.3 passer rating
The hand injury on top of his achilles injury, as well as going against the Jags #1 rated pass defense could keep the Patriots attack grounded this week. Lewis is the obvious play, but if Burkhead (Q) comes back it could be he or White that steals the show.

01/20/18, 10:22 PM CST by Wheeler


Tom Brady

New England Patriots

Tom Still Terrific?

Tom Brady was first listed on the team's injury report with an Achilles injury heading in to Week 11.
Weeks 1-10: 21.2 fantasy points per game, 110.9 passer rating
Weeks 11-17: 14.2 fantasy points per game, 87.3 passer rating

Fantasy Goo: This should line up for a good week for Brady, Tennessee is 8th in fantasy points allowed to RB’s, but just below average against QB’s. The Patriots are 13 point favorites on Saturday Night, if Brady doesn’t do it at home in prime-time then something is wrong.

01/09/18, 07:30 PM CST by Wheeler


Alvin Kamara

New Orleans Saints

Primary Role Shifting

Saints have run 5 times at/inside opponent's 5-yard line over last 4 weeks (including playoffs):
Alvin Kamara 3 carries, Zach Line 1, Mark Ingram 1. Kamara was in on all 3 Saints run plays at/inside 5 vs. Panthers last week, including Line's 1-yard TD run.

Fantasy Goo: If you’re trying to decide between Kamara and Ingram for the playoff run, Kamara looks to be the much better play.

01/09/18, 07:20 PM CST by Wheeler


Bitchslap, Installment #3

Bitchslap, Installment #3

Posted by d-Rx on 11/30/12

by   The Archer


More Articals


bitchslap installment 3





Well it is time again for another round of BITCHSLAPS!!!  Once again these are the players that have ruined your Fantasy experience over the past 4 weeks and this my chance to lay the lumber to them in a fun way to let me and all of you vent your anger for the poor performances these players have caused you.  Without further ado, here is Installment 3!!!




ryan fitzpatrick pyro character

Ryan FitzpatrickWell Fitzpatrick, you find yourself in my doghouse for your second BitchSlap this season.  After your first appearance in my last installment you tried hard, but could not reverse the trend of your season.  Over the past 4 weeks, you posted only one good game and averaged 231 yards a game over the span.  You only threw a TD pass in 2 of the 4 games and failed to throw for more than 180 yards in 2 of those games…pathetic!!!  You have a very favorable schedule over the next 4 weeks, so if you wind up back here you could be a front-runner for the GSBS (Golden Sombrero BitchSlap).  Until then, I am going to give you the BITCHSLAP that will prevent your beard from growing for a week…BITCHSLAP!!!


christian ponder pyro character

Christian PonderPonder you only had the benefit of 3 games during this span and were completely awful in those games with a total of 443 yards in those games, including a game against Seattle when you posted a grand total of 63 yards passing with an INT…NICE WORK!!!  You have shown a pension for having horrendous games where you post basically no stats, but I can guarantee you that I will register a hit with your owners as you take on my Nordic BITCHSLAP!!!


eli manning pyro character

Eli Manning - You have been atrocious for another November and have run a lot of your Fantasy owners’ teams into the muck!!!  How in the world, with all the talent you have around you have you managed to not even throw for more than 250 yards in any of your games over the past 4 weeks!!!  You also only managed to throw a TD pass in one of your 3 games...this is not the elite Eli Manning you claim to be!!!  Not only are you here, but it looks like you have dragged Victor Cruz down with you…so as a Victor Cruz owner I am giving you a SALSA BITCHSLAP!!!





reggie bush pyro character

Reggie BushReggie, Reggie, Reggie, it appears you have gone back to your roots of having a ton of talent and not producing the Fantasy points your owners need.  You posted a total of 169 yards rushing over the past 4 games!!!  What is worse is that you 41, 21, and 20 yards rushing in 3 of those games!!!  Then there is the fact you are supposed to be a threat in passing game and have not had more than 2 catches in your last 4 games!!!  How you can’t beat Daniel Thomas out of more carries and touches is beyond me!!!  You also remain in the running for GSBS with your second appearance.  Here is your ticket to a vacation on South Beach with a Punk Ass LeBron James BITCHSLAP!!!


ryan mathews pyro character

Ryan MathewsMathews you have been the epitome of a Fantasy nightmare!!!  Over the past 4 weeks you have had enough touches to do damage, but have failed to score a TD and run for less than 72 yards in every game!!!  You were supposed to be top 10 running back, when healthy, this season and have not come close to any hype.  So as one of your owners I am going to stand you up straight and shine this BITCHSLAP!!! up real nice, then turn it sideways and stick it straight up your CANDY ASS!!!  


 matt forte pyro character

Matt ForteForte you started out this quarter hot with a 103 yards rushing and 45 yards receiving with a TD in your first game against the Titans, but have fallen off the table since.  In the following 3 games you have totaled 144 yards rushing, failing to reach more than 42 yards twice!!!  On top of that you only had 5 receiving yards on 7 catches in those 3 games and no TD!!!  You were a Fantasy Stud over the past couple of years, but that reign seems to be over.  In that vain, I am going to give you a bipolar delivery from Brandon Marshall, the reason your Fantasy relevance has disappeared, BITCHSLAP!!!


darren mcfadden pyro character

Darren McFaddenRUNDNP you are making a 3rd straight appearance and are a front-runner for the GSBS!!!  You only played in one game and had 17 yards rushing!!!  You have been a complete disappointment all season and have a lot of work to do in order to not make a 4th straight appearance.  Until I see you again, try not to come up lame after this ankle busting BITCHSLAP!!!


lesean mccoy pyro character

LeSean McCoyMcCoy you are back for the second time this season, and it looks like your season may be over, which is the ultimate Slap of all!!!  Before you took the shot that may have cost you your season, you were trending downward.  You had 4 TD in the previous 3 games and have failed to hit pay dirt in your last 3 games!!!  You, along with all the other Eagles have been a Fantasy Turd Pile all season, so here is your steaming pile BITCHSLAP!!!





larry fitzgerald pyro character

Larry FitzgeraldFitzgerald you have not been the same receiver this season with all the problems at quarterback, but your owners still expected more from the man who all the breakout receivers spend their offseason learning from at your aptly named Larry Fitzgerald receiving camp.  You have managed just 10 catches for a 116 yards and 1 TD over the past 3 games.  Those are the types of stats you used to put up each week!!!  You are just not the same Fitz that I remember, so I am going to warm the paddles and…CLEAR BITCHSLAP!!!  Let’s hope that revives you!!!


mike wallace pyro character

Mike WallaceWallace you have been atrocious since losing Big Ben and have managed a total of 11 catches for 113 yards and 1 TD over the past 4 games!!! In 3 of those games you failed to reach 25 yards!!!  I understand the diminished returns without Big Ben, but these returns are the kinds that lose Fantasy games!!!  On top of that, your Coach is saying you are no longer the starter!!!  Wallace I know you will try to run away from this one, which is why I have Usain Bolt here to catch you down and deliver your BITCHSLAP!!!


 miles austin pyro character

Miles AustinAustin your effectiveness has diminished as the season has gone on and it has gotten so bad that you are making your first appearance on my list.  Over the past 4 weeks you have only been able to garner 166 yards on 15 catches with 0 TD!!! Your yards per catch have dropped from 17.4 in the 1st quarter to 15.9 in the 2nd quarter to a mere 11.1 in this quarter!!!  So as your stats have gotten weaker and weaker you will find a stronger and stronger pain left over from this BITCHSLAP!!!


mike williams pyro character

Mike WilliamsWilliams your quarterback has been getting better and better all season long, but your stats have become more and more pedestrian as the season has progressed.  You have only averaged 3 catches a game for 47 yards and only posted 1 TD, but failed to reach the endzone over the past 3 weeks!!!  Even worse, the past 2 weeks you have failed to reach 30 yards receiving!!!  So here is the, I am so happy I traded you BITCHSLAP!!!


dwayne bowe pyro character

Dwayne BoweBowe you are making your second straight appearance and it looks like I should keep a spot warm for you in 4 weeks!!!  You have 16 catches for 175 yards over the past 4 games and have not scored a TD in 7 weeks!!!  It seems a good possibility that you will end up here again and, thus you are still in the running for a 3rd Slap of the year.  You have the problem of having no help at the quarterback position, but that will not keep you from receiving my wrath and this BITCHSLAP!!!


steve smith pyro character

Steve SmithSmith you have been the ultimate decoy and Fantasy dud this season!!!  Your last 4 weeks says it all.  You started out by scoring your 1st TD of the year to start this quarter, but you have failed to find the endzone again and also could not muster more than 61 yards in your last 4 games!!!  Last season you were a target machine and you had 16 targets against the Bears, but have only 7 targets a game in each of your last 4 games!!!  I have a target for you and believe me it is going to leave a mark Tommy Boy BITCHSLAP!!!


victor cruz pyro character

Victor CruzCruz you have suffered as of late and some of that has to do with Eli Manning and his play, but you are also responsible.  In your last 3 games, in this quarter, you have totaled 11 catches for 129 and 1 TD!!!  You were drafted as a #1 WR and you only have one 100-yard receiving game in your last 7 games!!!  Get ready for a CHUNKY BITCHSLAP!!!


kenny britt pyro character

Kenny BrittBritt you came back from injury and you look like a shell of your former self!!!  In your last 3 games you had some bad defenses to work against and you put up 36 and 25 yards against the Dolphins and Jaguars!!!  You were expected to come back and show the dominating form that you started off last season with, and you have let me and your other owners down!!!  Get ready to be held accountable for your disgrace with this Grand Ole Opry BITCHSLAP!!!


brandon lloyd pyro character

Brandon LloydLloyd you are on an amazing offense and have a Hall of Fame quarterback and yet you continue to disappoint!!!  Over your last 3 games you have been awful, with no more than 5 catches and 45 yards, and of course you have not scored a TD!!!  Your yard per catch average is an anemic 9.7 yards over this span…absolutely horrible!!!  You only have one 100-yard game on the season and have ruined many a Fantasy season, so here is an early Christmas gift and with a hearty HO HO HO I hit you with this BITCHSLAP!!!




brent celek pyro character 

Brent CelekCelek you have been a total waste of a roster space all season long and with no surprise are back in my crosshairs for a second time this season!!!  In your past 4 games you have failed to top 5 catches or 47 yards and have not scored a TD in 7 games!!!  I know that you are on a team with a horrible offensive line, but you have dropped too many passes and have been a total wasteland for Fantasy points!!!  You should be dropped from all Fantasy teams, but until then I am going to drop you with this BITCHSLAP!!!


brandon pettigrew pyro character

Brandon PettigrewMatthew Stafford has started to catch fire as of late, but he seems to have left you out in the cold.  Over your past 4 games you continued to show your pension for not making a lot of the catches you get as you posted an 8.7 yards per catch average!!!  On top of that you posted 3 games in a row below 32 yards receiving and only posted 1 TD catch in your last 4 games, which is not enough to keep you safe from this slow lumbering 8.7 YPC BITCHSLAP!!!


jared cook pyro character

Jared CookCook, you were supposed to be a breakout candidate this year and all you have done is break my heart Fredo!!!  You have only had 9 catches in your last 3 games and 6 of those came in your last game where only posted 47 yards!!!  The closest you have come to a 100-yard game was a 77-yard performance in week 3!!!  You have lost any chance of being a breakout player, so let’s go take the boat out to go fishing and you can say a few Hail Mary’s before I cap you with this BITCHSLAP!!!


vernon davis pyro character

Vernon DavisDavis, you have been an enigma all season and this last quarter is no different.  You looked like you were going to carry the momentum of your big 6 catch 83 yard and a TD performance against the Bears forward, but instead you regressed and followed that game by not recording a catch, which is the second time you have done that this season!!!  You only have 1 TD since week 3 and have been a wart on Fantasy teams, so I have grabbed some Dr. Scholls, and have for you a wart removing BITCHSLAP!!!


jermichael finely pyro character

Jermichael FinelyFinely, you are making your 3rd straight appearance and along with RUNDNP are a front-runner to claim the GSBS!!!  Over your last 3 games you have a measly total of 7 catches for 123 yards and even though you have 1 TD, it is not enough to make up for your lack of productivity!!!  In fact, your season has been so bad that your 3 catches for 66 yards and a TD against Detroit in week 11 was your best game of the season…WEAK!!!  You might as well keep your head down as you leave the batters box with your 3rd strikeout in a row and a high and tight Fastball BITCHSLAP!!!



BY HOUDINI (email me)