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Le'Veon Bell

Pittsburgh Steelers

Bell Lookin' To Get PAID!


“Steelers RB Le'Veon Bell will report back to team before regular season kicks off, though it remains unclear exactly when.” Bell values himself at about $15mm per year, your move Rooney.

Fantasy Goo: There is no doubt Bell is an elite RB1 when he is active, this hold-out makes me nervous. He might be staying in shape, but there is no way to really simulate game-speed without actually participating with the team. He missed 3 games last year and came in shredding defenses, but that is much different than missing camp completely.


08/18/17, 05:48 PM CDT by Wheeler

Source: twitter.com


Eddie Lacy

Seattle Seahawks

Seattle's Crowded Backfield


Seattle Seahawks RB Thomas Rawls ankle injury will hold him out of week 2 preseason action on Friday. It’s being called a minor injury and Eddie Lacy is now expected to be the starting tailback for the second preseason game.

Fantasy Goo: When it was first announced that Rawls would get the start I thought nothing of it, teams usually rest their banged-up players week 2 anyway. Week 3 is what we really care about, but if they’re resting Rawls this week that becomes somewhat questionable. We should probably consider this a full blown committee at this point, in which case you can read our “League Winners” article to see who I think is worthy of drafting in this backfield.


08/17/17, 09:24 PM CDT by Wheeler

Source: twitter.com


Thomas Rawls

Seattle Seahawks

Seattle's Crowded Backfield


Seattle Seahawks RB Thomas Rawls ankle injury will hold him out of week 2 preseason action on Friday. It’s being called a minor injury and Eddie Lacy is now expected to be the starting tailback for the second preseason game.

Fantasy Goo: When it was first announced that Rawls would get the start I thought nothing of it, teams usually rest their banged-up players week 2 anyway. Week 3 is what we really care about, but if they’re resting Rawls this week that becomes somewhat questionable. We should probably consider this a full blown committee at this point, in which case you can read our “League Winners” article to see who I think is worthy of drafting in this backfield.


08/17/17, 09:24 PM CDT by Wheeler

Source: twitter.com


Andrew Luck

Indianapolis Colts

Indy Needs Some Luck


There has been quite a bit of concern about Andrew Luck’s availability to start the season on the active roster after offseason surgery. Hartbeat points out that, “Colts seem confident in Luck for week 1 as they haven't changed their playbook.” There is a concern about his offensive line though as starting C Ryan Kelly is likely to find himself on the designated IR for return after foot surgery.

Fantasy Goo: Luck put together a 2016 season with a career best 71.2 QBR and a 92.4 PFF grade. If he’s healthy he’s a must start, and his ADP has fallen nearly two rounds since August first. He is now being drafted as the eighth QB off the board. Check out the Draft Kit vol.3 to get the full goo.


08/17/17, 08:57 PM CDT by Wheeler

Source: twitter.com


Aaron Jones

Green Bay Packers

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08/17/17, 10:10 AM CDT by The Hartbeat

Source: pyromaniac.com


Curtis Samuel

Carolina Panthers

Samuel Back in Pads


Curtis Samuel was back in full pads for today's practice (Wednesday), he has missed almost all of training camp with a hamstring problem that began as a issue in the spring. He's been out for so long that it's hard to see him having a immediate early-season role.

Fantasy Goo: Samuel is the ultimate utility knife if he can get healthy, he can pick up the big plays vacated by Ginn and match anything fellow rookie McCaffrey does in the passing game.


08/16/17, 08:15 PM CDT by Wheeler

Source: twitter.com


Ty Montgomery

Green Bay Packers

Green Bay Rookie's on Display


“Ty Montgomery’s likely absence from Saturday night’s preseason game at Washington will put an even bigger spotlight on the depth-chart battle involving three of Green Bay’s third-day draft picks. Williams is the front-runner in part because he’s shown the best aptitude for pass protection in the backfield. Jones has displayed a different gear in the open field that he’d love to show off in a game if he gets a crease. Mays is the best example of compact power, at 5-10 and 230 pounds.”

Fantasy Goo:Ty performed very well last year with the 3rd best juke rate of 34% and the best yards per contact per touch of all RBs at 2.8. The issue with Montgomery is Jamaal Williams is in line to take away the short yardage work and it’s unclear what type of volume Ty can handle as he rushed double digits in only 1 game.


08/16/17, 07:58 PM CDT by Wheeler

Source: www.packers.com


Jamaal Williams

Green Bay Packers

Green Bay Rookie's on Display


“Ty Montgomery’s likely absence from Saturday night’s preseason game at Washington will put an even bigger spotlight on the depth-chart battle involving three of Green Bay’s third-day draft picks. Williams is the front-runner in part because he’s shown the best aptitude for pass protection in the backfield. Jones has displayed a different gear in the open field that he’d love to show off in a game if he gets a crease. Mays is the best example of compact power, at 5-10 and 230 pounds.”

Fantasy Goo:Ty performed very well last year with the 3rd best juke rate of 34% and the best yards per contact per touch of all RBs at 2.8. The issue with Montgomery is Jamaal Williams is in line to take away the short yardage work and it’s unclear what type of volume Ty can handle as he rushed double digits in only 1 game.


08/16/17, 07:58 PM CDT by Wheeler

Source: www.packers.com


Jaron Brown

Arizona Cardinals

Jaron Number Two?


Larry Fitzgerald is the No. 1 wideout. Brown? “He’s No. 2 right now,” Coach Bruce Arians said Tuesday.
“I’ve been here for a while,” Jaron Brown said. “Every camp is different. We obviously have injuries, and that gives me an opportunity. I just try to take advantage.

Fantasy Goo: I could see Jaron shooting up draft boards, and I like him as a last round dart throw, but this just makes that receiving corps all the more crowded. A torn ACL prevented Jaron from possibly breaking-out last year. Yesterday we thought JJ Nelson would emerge, I’m sure we will be re-visiting this regularly.


08/16/17, 04:21 PM CDT by Wheeler

Source: twitter.com


Cole Beasley

Dallas Cowboys

Beasley Under the Radar


NFL Next Gen Stats have revealed many of their numbers to the public recently. Hartbeat picked this one out on Twitter: Cole Beasley adding another advanced stat that he thrives in, Top 10 in separation among all pass catchers.

Fantasy Goo: Beasley was one of the most efficient weapons in the NFL last year. His Defense-adjusted Yards above Replacement and Defense-adjusted Value over Average ranked as 5th best among WRs. For more on Beasley and others check out the Pyro Pulse podcast episode 6, WR Tiers.


08/15/17, 05:08 PM CDT by Wheeler

Source: twitter.com


John Brown

Arizona Cardinals

John Brown’s Health Back in Question


WR John Brown looking like sickle cell IS NOT being managed by the Cardinals. Could be another injury plagued season for Brown. Arians said WR John Brown not practicing full time is a concern (He's been participating in certain drills during practice).

Fantasy Goo: JJ Nelson was the WR11 in PPR scoring weeks 13-17, it appears as though we should be drafting Nelson as one of our late round flyers immediately. If the Brown news continues to be negative we will begin to see Nelson’s stock rise. Jaron Brown and Chad Williams are names we should also keep an eye on, but Arians has complained about their lack of performance publicly.


08/15/17, 04:28 PM CDT by Wheeler

Source: twitter.com


Maxx Williams

Baltimore Ravens

Maxx Looks Slow, Open Door for Watson


“Tight end Maxx Williams deserves a ton of credit for persevering through a serious knee surgery and getting back onto the field this summer. But in watching him run, it’s still pretty clear that he has a ways to go. He has bulked up and gotten considerably stronger, so it will be interesting to see whether he becomes more of a blocking tight end, assuming he’s on the season-opening roster.”

fantasy Goo: Ben Watson appears to be worth a last round flier. Denis Pitta was the number eight TE overall last year and he only scored 2 TD’s. Watson was the number 6 TE in 2015 with Drew Brees throwing him 6 TD’s.


08/15/17, 03:54 PM CDT by Wheeler

Source: www.baltimoresun.com


Ryan Mathews

Philadelphia Eagles

Ryan Matthews Released


After passing his physical earlier today, The Eagles have informed former starting RB Ryan Mathews that he's been released. This move was completely expected, the Eagles save a bunch of money by releasing him now.

Fantasy Goo: Hartbeat would like to see him land in: IND, SF, MIA or CHI (all backup roles). I think the Giants or Ravens should see what he has left in the tank, even if it’s just a few games Matthews is a talented back, he’s just been drenched with injuries. I don’t think the team that picks him up has to pay much for him.


08/15/17, 03:30 PM CDT by Wheeler

Source: twitter.com


Devonta Freeman

Atlanta Falcons

Freeman in Concussion Protocol


Coach Quinn says Devonta Freeman is in concussion protocol, will be ruled out for Sunday's game. This really means nothing if he’s back by next week, but if this lingers like Jay Ajayi’s concussion, Coleman might actually be worth his draft value in the sixth round.

Fantasy Goo: Despite being only 206 lbs he had the 3rd most RZ carries with 53. Although Coleman is an extremely strong receiver Freeman was still top 5 in catches among RBs on only a 63% snap share.


08/14/17, 04:34 PM CDT by Wheeler

Source: twitter.com


Leonard Fournette

Jacksonville Jaguars

Fournette Battling Same Issues


Jaguars rookie RB Leonard Fournette suffered a foot injury and HC Doug Marrone said team intends to be "careful with him." Fournette battled a recurring foot/ankle injury throughout his final season at LSU. It was a real problem most of the year.

Fantasy Goo: Fournette was clocked running 22.9 MPH at LSU last season, for reference Tyreek Hill was the NFLs fastest player at 23.2MPH. It appears as though Jacksonville is being cautious, but rookies need to get on the field and learn the nuances of the NFL, especially pass blocking.


08/14/17, 03:31 PM CDT by Wheeler

Source: twitter.com


Jordan Matthews

Buffalo Bills

Matthews Must Play With Pain


Bills' WR Jordan Mathews has what team is calling "a chip fracture in his sternum" and is week to week.
The good news is that it’s just a pain tolerance issue. The bad news is that it can be pretty painful.

Fantasy Goo: Matthews move to Buffalo had very little effect on his projections, but with lack of practice with his new team he will almost certainly get off to a slow start. Check the Pyro Pulse Podcast (Ep.5) to get the hot, sticky goo on how this affects the value of the other Bills and Eagles skill players.


08/14/17, 03:29 PM CDT by Wheeler

Source: twitter.com


Marqise Lee

Jacksonville Jaguars

Lee High Ankle Sprain Opens Door for Hurns, Again


Jaguars WR Marqise Lee suffered a high-ankle sprain, source said. He'll push hard to be ready for Week 1, but caution could push it back.

Fantasy Goo: Lee was the 39th overall pick of the 2014 draft. In 2016 he caught a career-high 63 passes for 851 yards and three touchdowns. He was finally healthy after continuous injuries the last two years. I think many would rank him higher if we could be sure that he has beaten Allen Hurns out for regular targets.


08/14/17, 02:56 PM CDT by Wheeler

Source: twitter.com


Jordan Reed

Washington Redskins

Reed Has "Special Shoes"


“Redskins tight end Jordan Reed said his new cleats and orthotics have made a difference for his sprained big toe. Reed said, "I'll be out there shortly." He remains on the PUP list.”

Fantasy Goo: Jay Gruden has made it very clear that the offense runs through Jordan Reed, this was never more prominent than when the Redskins let their two best WRs based on production walk this offseason. Reed has obviously red flags when it comes to injuries, he is one dirty hit away from a career ending concussion. When he is healthy, there is no TE that I would rather have, Reed has averaged the most fantasy points per game over the past two seasons and is targeted on a minimum of 15% of his routes.
For more see Hartbeat TE Gold Diggers vol.1


08/13/17, 08:24 PM CDT by Wheeler

Source: twitter.com


Sterling Shepard

New York Giants

Shepard Back in Practice


“Just 11 days after he was carted off the practice field with an ankle injury fearing the worst, Shepard practiced fully with his teammates on Sunday. There appeared to be very few restrictions on the second-year receiver, who also didn't seem to be favoring his injured ankle at all.”

Fantasy Goo: Shepard finished second among rookie WRs in targets, catches, yards and touchdowns. In general, second year WRs see a jump in fantasy production by 16%, but Sterling is more likely to move in an inverse fashion. With the Giants bringing in Brandon Marshall and Evan Engram, Shepard is the most likely to see a decrease in targets. See Hartbeat, WR Gold Diggers vol.1 for more.


08/13/17, 07:55 PM CDT by Wheeler

Source: twitter.com


Robby Anderson

New York Jets

Robby With Early Bomb


With Enunwa out for the season the New York Jets will be looking for one of their young receivers to step-up. On their first drive Josh McCown connected with Robby Anderson for a 53 yard gain and finished the drive with a 4-yard TD pass to Charone Peake. Anderson finished the first half with three receptions for 71 yards.

Fantasy Goo: Anderson could be a nice late-round flyer, but this offense doesn’t project for much fire-power. Anderson projects for a 63/830/4 line and Peake is nothing more than a DFS GPP play or possible bye-week flyer.


08/13/17, 08:14 AM CDT by Wheeler

Source: twitter.com


Travis Kelce

Kansas City Chiefs

Kelce to Return Next Week


After the game, Chiefs coach Andy Reid provided an update on a few of those guys, specifically Travis Kelce. “They are close,” Reid noted of those three guys. “(They will) potentially get some work this next week, we’ll just see how it goes. They’ve got a big rehab session (Saturday), so we’ll see.”

Fantasy Goo: Since he fractured his patella in 2013 and missed his entire rookie campaign, Kelce has not missed a game. Kelce led all TEs last season in fantasy points, but he also thrived under advanced metrics, also leading the league in Success Rate on 65% of his plays. – Hartbeat
I five games without Maclin on the field over the past two years Kelce averages 2.76 more PPR points per game even though he did not score a TD in any of them.


08/12/17, 07:56 PM CDT by Wheeler

Source: twitter.com


Jay Ajayi

Miami Dolphins

Ajayi Still in Concussion Protocol


Running backs coach Danny Barrett believes Kenyan Drake could be an every-down back if Jay Ajayi misses multiple games. He said Drake is “more reliable, more dependable, being where he’s supposed to be – especially in our passing game”

Fantasy Goo: I’m not necessarily buying what they’re selling, but Ajayi out for 10 days so far does concern me. Gase was not happy with Ajayi to start last year and it was a work-ethic issue. A concussion requires medical clearance and cannot be put in the same category, but Gase seems to have the old-school mentality of, “you can’t make the club from the tub.” If Ajayi is out for any amount of time we can expect about a 50/50 split from Drake and Damien Williams, neither is built for work-horse carries.


08/12/17, 06:23 PM CDT by Wheeler

Source: twitter.com


Kenyan Drake

Miami Dolphins

Ajayi Still in Concussion Protocol


Running backs coach Danny Barrett believes Kenyan Drake could be an every-down back if Jay Ajayi misses multiple games. He said Drake is “more reliable, more dependable, being where he’s supposed to be – especially in our passing game”

Fantasy Goo: I’m not necessarily buying what they’re selling, but Ajayi out for 10 days so far does concern me. Gase was not happy with Ajayi to start last year and it was a work-ethic issue. A concussion requires medical clearance and cannot be put in the same category, but Gase seems to have the old-school mentality of, “you can’t make the club from the tub.” If Ajayi is out for any amount of time we can expect about a 50/50 split from Drake and Damien Williams, neither is built for work-horse carries.


08/12/17, 06:23 PM CDT by Wheeler

Source: twitter.com

Bitchslap, Installment #3

Bitchslap, Installment #3

Posted by d-Rx on 11/30/12

by   The Archer


@TheArcher


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bitchslap installment 3

 

 

BITCHSLAP INSTALLMENT 3

 


Well it is time again for another round of BITCHSLAPS!!!  Once again these are the players that have ruined your Fantasy experience over the past 4 weeks and this my chance to lay the lumber to them in a fun way to let me and all of you vent your anger for the poor performances these players have caused you.  Without further ado, here is Installment 3!!!

 


QB

 

ryan fitzpatrick pyro character

Ryan FitzpatrickWell Fitzpatrick, you find yourself in my doghouse for your second BitchSlap this season.  After your first appearance in my last installment you tried hard, but could not reverse the trend of your season.  Over the past 4 weeks, you posted only one good game and averaged 231 yards a game over the span.  You only threw a TD pass in 2 of the 4 games and failed to throw for more than 180 yards in 2 of those games…pathetic!!!  You have a very favorable schedule over the next 4 weeks, so if you wind up back here you could be a front-runner for the GSBS (Golden Sombrero BitchSlap).  Until then, I am going to give you the BITCHSLAP that will prevent your beard from growing for a week…BITCHSLAP!!!

 

christian ponder pyro character

Christian PonderPonder you only had the benefit of 3 games during this span and were completely awful in those games with a total of 443 yards in those games, including a game against Seattle when you posted a grand total of 63 yards passing with an INT…NICE WORK!!!  You have shown a pension for having horrendous games where you post basically no stats, but I can guarantee you that I will register a hit with your owners as you take on my Nordic BITCHSLAP!!!

 

eli manning pyro character

Eli Manning - You have been atrocious for another November and have run a lot of your Fantasy owners’ teams into the muck!!!  How in the world, with all the talent you have around you have you managed to not even throw for more than 250 yards in any of your games over the past 4 weeks!!!  You also only managed to throw a TD pass in one of your 3 games...this is not the elite Eli Manning you claim to be!!!  Not only are you here, but it looks like you have dragged Victor Cruz down with you…so as a Victor Cruz owner I am giving you a SALSA BITCHSLAP!!!

 

 

RB  

 

reggie bush pyro character

Reggie BushReggie, Reggie, Reggie, it appears you have gone back to your roots of having a ton of talent and not producing the Fantasy points your owners need.  You posted a total of 169 yards rushing over the past 4 games!!!  What is worse is that you 41, 21, and 20 yards rushing in 3 of those games!!!  Then there is the fact you are supposed to be a threat in passing game and have not had more than 2 catches in your last 4 games!!!  How you can’t beat Daniel Thomas out of more carries and touches is beyond me!!!  You also remain in the running for GSBS with your second appearance.  Here is your ticket to a vacation on South Beach with a Punk Ass LeBron James BITCHSLAP!!!

 

ryan mathews pyro character

Ryan MathewsMathews you have been the epitome of a Fantasy nightmare!!!  Over the past 4 weeks you have had enough touches to do damage, but have failed to score a TD and run for less than 72 yards in every game!!!  You were supposed to be top 10 running back, when healthy, this season and have not come close to any hype.  So as one of your owners I am going to stand you up straight and shine this BITCHSLAP!!! up real nice, then turn it sideways and stick it straight up your CANDY ASS!!!  

 

 matt forte pyro character

Matt ForteForte you started out this quarter hot with a 103 yards rushing and 45 yards receiving with a TD in your first game against the Titans, but have fallen off the table since.  In the following 3 games you have totaled 144 yards rushing, failing to reach more than 42 yards twice!!!  On top of that you only had 5 receiving yards on 7 catches in those 3 games and no TD!!!  You were a Fantasy Stud over the past couple of years, but that reign seems to be over.  In that vain, I am going to give you a bipolar delivery from Brandon Marshall, the reason your Fantasy relevance has disappeared, BITCHSLAP!!!

 

darren mcfadden pyro character

Darren McFaddenRUNDNP you are making a 3rd straight appearance and are a front-runner for the GSBS!!!  You only played in one game and had 17 yards rushing!!!  You have been a complete disappointment all season and have a lot of work to do in order to not make a 4th straight appearance.  Until I see you again, try not to come up lame after this ankle busting BITCHSLAP!!!

 

lesean mccoy pyro character

LeSean McCoyMcCoy you are back for the second time this season, and it looks like your season may be over, which is the ultimate Slap of all!!!  Before you took the shot that may have cost you your season, you were trending downward.  You had 4 TD in the previous 3 games and have failed to hit pay dirt in your last 3 games!!!  You, along with all the other Eagles have been a Fantasy Turd Pile all season, so here is your steaming pile BITCHSLAP!!!

 


 

WR

 

larry fitzgerald pyro character

Larry FitzgeraldFitzgerald you have not been the same receiver this season with all the problems at quarterback, but your owners still expected more from the man who all the breakout receivers spend their offseason learning from at your aptly named Larry Fitzgerald receiving camp.  You have managed just 10 catches for a 116 yards and 1 TD over the past 3 games.  Those are the types of stats you used to put up each week!!!  You are just not the same Fitz that I remember, so I am going to warm the paddles and…CLEAR BITCHSLAP!!!  Let’s hope that revives you!!!

 

mike wallace pyro character

Mike WallaceWallace you have been atrocious since losing Big Ben and have managed a total of 11 catches for 113 yards and 1 TD over the past 4 games!!! In 3 of those games you failed to reach 25 yards!!!  I understand the diminished returns without Big Ben, but these returns are the kinds that lose Fantasy games!!!  On top of that, your Coach is saying you are no longer the starter!!!  Wallace I know you will try to run away from this one, which is why I have Usain Bolt here to catch you down and deliver your BITCHSLAP!!!

 

 miles austin pyro character

Miles AustinAustin your effectiveness has diminished as the season has gone on and it has gotten so bad that you are making your first appearance on my list.  Over the past 4 weeks you have only been able to garner 166 yards on 15 catches with 0 TD!!! Your yards per catch have dropped from 17.4 in the 1st quarter to 15.9 in the 2nd quarter to a mere 11.1 in this quarter!!!  So as your stats have gotten weaker and weaker you will find a stronger and stronger pain left over from this BITCHSLAP!!!

 

mike williams pyro character

Mike WilliamsWilliams your quarterback has been getting better and better all season long, but your stats have become more and more pedestrian as the season has progressed.  You have only averaged 3 catches a game for 47 yards and only posted 1 TD, but failed to reach the endzone over the past 3 weeks!!!  Even worse, the past 2 weeks you have failed to reach 30 yards receiving!!!  So here is the, I am so happy I traded you BITCHSLAP!!!

 

dwayne bowe pyro character

Dwayne BoweBowe you are making your second straight appearance and it looks like I should keep a spot warm for you in 4 weeks!!!  You have 16 catches for 175 yards over the past 4 games and have not scored a TD in 7 weeks!!!  It seems a good possibility that you will end up here again and, thus you are still in the running for a 3rd Slap of the year.  You have the problem of having no help at the quarterback position, but that will not keep you from receiving my wrath and this BITCHSLAP!!!

 

steve smith pyro character

Steve SmithSmith you have been the ultimate decoy and Fantasy dud this season!!!  Your last 4 weeks says it all.  You started out by scoring your 1st TD of the year to start this quarter, but you have failed to find the endzone again and also could not muster more than 61 yards in your last 4 games!!!  Last season you were a target machine and you had 16 targets against the Bears, but have only 7 targets a game in each of your last 4 games!!!  I have a target for you and believe me it is going to leave a mark Tommy Boy BITCHSLAP!!!

 

victor cruz pyro character

Victor CruzCruz you have suffered as of late and some of that has to do with Eli Manning and his play, but you are also responsible.  In your last 3 games, in this quarter, you have totaled 11 catches for 129 and 1 TD!!!  You were drafted as a #1 WR and you only have one 100-yard receiving game in your last 7 games!!!  Get ready for a CHUNKY BITCHSLAP!!!

 

kenny britt pyro character

Kenny BrittBritt you came back from injury and you look like a shell of your former self!!!  In your last 3 games you had some bad defenses to work against and you put up 36 and 25 yards against the Dolphins and Jaguars!!!  You were expected to come back and show the dominating form that you started off last season with, and you have let me and your other owners down!!!  Get ready to be held accountable for your disgrace with this Grand Ole Opry BITCHSLAP!!!

 

brandon lloyd pyro character

Brandon LloydLloyd you are on an amazing offense and have a Hall of Fame quarterback and yet you continue to disappoint!!!  Over your last 3 games you have been awful, with no more than 5 catches and 45 yards, and of course you have not scored a TD!!!  Your yard per catch average is an anemic 9.7 yards over this span…absolutely horrible!!!  You only have one 100-yard game on the season and have ruined many a Fantasy season, so here is an early Christmas gift and with a hearty HO HO HO I hit you with this BITCHSLAP!!!

 

 

TE

brent celek pyro character 

Brent CelekCelek you have been a total waste of a roster space all season long and with no surprise are back in my crosshairs for a second time this season!!!  In your past 4 games you have failed to top 5 catches or 47 yards and have not scored a TD in 7 games!!!  I know that you are on a team with a horrible offensive line, but you have dropped too many passes and have been a total wasteland for Fantasy points!!!  You should be dropped from all Fantasy teams, but until then I am going to drop you with this BITCHSLAP!!!

 

brandon pettigrew pyro character

Brandon PettigrewMatthew Stafford has started to catch fire as of late, but he seems to have left you out in the cold.  Over your past 4 games you continued to show your pension for not making a lot of the catches you get as you posted an 8.7 yards per catch average!!!  On top of that you posted 3 games in a row below 32 yards receiving and only posted 1 TD catch in your last 4 games, which is not enough to keep you safe from this slow lumbering 8.7 YPC BITCHSLAP!!!

 

jared cook pyro character

Jared CookCook, you were supposed to be a breakout candidate this year and all you have done is break my heart Fredo!!!  You have only had 9 catches in your last 3 games and 6 of those came in your last game where only posted 47 yards!!!  The closest you have come to a 100-yard game was a 77-yard performance in week 3!!!  You have lost any chance of being a breakout player, so let’s go take the boat out to go fishing and you can say a few Hail Mary’s before I cap you with this BITCHSLAP!!!

 

vernon davis pyro character

Vernon DavisDavis, you have been an enigma all season and this last quarter is no different.  You looked like you were going to carry the momentum of your big 6 catch 83 yard and a TD performance against the Bears forward, but instead you regressed and followed that game by not recording a catch, which is the second time you have done that this season!!!  You only have 1 TD since week 3 and have been a wart on Fantasy teams, so I have grabbed some Dr. Scholls, and have for you a wart removing BITCHSLAP!!!

 

jermichael finely pyro character

Jermichael FinelyFinely, you are making your 3rd straight appearance and along with RUNDNP are a front-runner to claim the GSBS!!!  Over your last 3 games you have a measly total of 7 catches for 123 yards and even though you have 1 TD, it is not enough to make up for your lack of productivity!!!  In fact, your season has been so bad that your 3 catches for 66 yards and a TD against Detroit in week 11 was your best game of the season…WEAK!!!  You might as well keep your head down as you leave the batters box with your 3rd strikeout in a row and a high and tight Fastball BITCHSLAP!!!

 

 

BY HOUDINI (email me)