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Pyro original fantasy football player news.


Odell Beckham Jr

New York Giants

OBJ Gonna Be OK


“An MRI of Beckham’s ankle confirmed that he has no more than a sprained ankle, although the severity of the injury has not been revealed… It appears this is a low left ankle sprain, given that Beckham said he ‘rolled’ the ankle and McAdoo said, ‘We’ll take it day by day.’”

Fantasy Goo: Beckham ranks in the top ten in practically every receiving category. He even has more room for upside too as he saw the 2nd highest Red Zone target share at 35.4% however he only converted 10 catches on such plays.


08/22/17, 08:36 PM CDT by Wheeler

Source: twitter.com


Kareem Hunt

Kansas City Chiefs

Hunt Impressive


Kareem Hunt's preseason week 2 rendered him the nickname "cockroach" - he just doesn't go down. Excerpt from League Winners: “Pro Football Focus rated Hunt as the number one overall running back in this year’s draft class. Hunt generated 986 rushing yards after contact over his career and received the third highest FBS elusive rating in this class.”

Fantasy Goo: Hunt has an 8th round ADP and is a great candidate to break-out as a rookie. Ware may have bell-cow potential, but Hunt will almost certainly take over third-down/pass catching duties out of the backfield.


08/22/17, 07:08 PM CDT by Wheeler

Source: twitter.com


LeSean McCoy

Buffalo Bills

Bills Reportedly Not Entertaining Trade Offers for McCoy


“Bills haven’t entertained traded offers for McCoy, the Bills currently aren’t entertaining offers for McCoy, and the Bills won’t be entertaining trade offers for McCoy. A trade would create only $1 million in net cap space for the Bills, and it would save $6.075 million in cash. But it also would leave the Bills without one of their best players, less than two weeks after trading receiver Sammy Watkins.”

Fantasy Goo: Since the Elliott news McCoy has been seen jumping up into the third spot in several drafts, but since the Watkins trade he’s slid to the mid-back of the first. This report makes it sound like the team wants to build around him, but I’m going to look for a steadier situation with my top of the first-round pick. Many things have changed quickly this off-season, don’t be surprised either way this goes, comments could be a smoke-screen.


08/22/17, 06:34 PM CDT by Wheeler

Source: twitter.com


James Conner

Pittsburgh Steelers

Conner Solid in Debut


Steelers rookie RB James Conner rushed 20 times for 98 yards and caught 1-of-4 targets for three yards on his preseason debut Sunday night. This was his first preseason action after being out with a shoulder injury.

Fantasy Goo: Conner is trying to earn himself the back-up role to LeVeon Bell, and he should have a role if Bell does go down at all, but duties will almost certainly be split between Conner and Fitzgerald Tousaint if that were to happen. Conner is a solid dynasty pick in the double digit rounds, especially if the Steelers don’t extend his deal prior to the start of the season.


08/20/17, 09:19 PM CDT by Wheeler

Source: twitter.com


Alvin Kamara

New Orleans Saints

Kamara Lives Up To Hype Today


“Saints rookie RB Alvin Kamara rushed 5 times for 61 yards and a touchdown in Sunday's preseason game against the Chargers. Kamara's first carry of the game was an explosive 50-yard touchdown run. He was also utilized in the passing game, catching a ball in the flat and scampering for a 20 yard gain.”

Fantasy Goo: This is all against the Chargers second and third string, so don’t get too excited, but it does appear that Kamara could contribute and make this backfield very difficult to predict from week-to-week. Kamara looks to be a very solid dynasty pick in the seventh round.


08/20/17, 09:15 PM CDT by Wheeler

Source: twitter.com


Anquan Boldin

Buffalo Bills

Boldin Retires... For Now...


Anquan Boldin left the Bills today and has informed them he is retiring
This almost definitely allows Matthews to work from the slot/flanker role, not that it really changes the Bills plans. From the glimpse of the Bills preseason game I saw, they had Boldin working outside in the X-receiver position, formerly held by Watkins. I have little doubt that Boldin knows he no longer has the physical ability to fulfil the requirements of that position, so he left.

Fantasy Goo: I still think he ends up somewhere, and will vulture enough TD’s to devalue others, but not have enough value on his own to be fantasy viable. Zay Jones is back in play for the late round flyer, and Clay is looking like a good match-up streamer at TE.


08/20/17, 07:53 PM CDT by Wheeler

Source: twitter.com


Zay Jones

Buffalo Bills

Boldin Retires... For Now...


Anquan Boldin left the Bills today and has informed them he is retiring
This almost definitely allows Matthews to work from the slot/flanker role, not that it really changes the Bills plans. From the glimpse of the Bills preseason game I saw, they had Boldin working outside in the X-receiver position, formerly held by Watkins. I have little doubt that Boldin knows he no longer has the physical ability to fulfil the requirements of that position, so he left.

Fantasy Goo: I still think he ends up somewhere, and will vulture enough TD’s to devalue others, but not have enough value on his own to be fantasy viable. Zay Jones is back in play for the late round flyer, and Clay is looking like a good match-up streamer at TE.


08/20/17, 07:53 PM CDT by Wheeler

Source: twitter.com


Charles Clay

Buffalo Bills

Boldin Retires... For Now...


Anquan Boldin left the Bills today and has informed them he is retiring
This almost definitely allows Matthews to work from the slot/flanker role, not that it really changes the Bills plans. From the glimpse of the Bills preseason game I saw, they had Boldin working outside in the X-receiver position, formerly held by Watkins. I have little doubt that Boldin knows he no longer has the physical ability to fulfil the requirements of that position, so he left.

Fantasy Goo: I still think he ends up somewhere, and will vulture enough TD’s to devalue others, but not have enough value on his own to be fantasy viable. Zay Jones is back in play for the late round flyer, and Clay is looking like a good match-up streamer at TE.


08/20/17, 07:53 PM CDT by Wheeler

Source: twitter.com


Jordan Reed

Washington Redskins

Jordan Reed (toe) Activated from PUP List


Fantasy Goo: Reed has averaged the most fantasy points per game over the past two seasons and is targeted on a minimum of 15% of his routes. Like Gronk, with Reed you have to assume that he will not play all 16 games, but don’t shy away from Reed because when he was active in 2016 he was a top 10 TE 75% of the time.


08/20/17, 05:45 PM CDT by Wheeler

Source: twitter.com


Le'Veon Bell

Pittsburgh Steelers

Bell Lookin' To Get PAID!


“Steelers RB Le'Veon Bell will report back to team before regular season kicks off, though it remains unclear exactly when.” Bell values himself at about $15mm per year, your move Rooney.

Fantasy Goo: There is no doubt Bell is an elite RB1 when he is active, this hold-out makes me nervous. He might be staying in shape, but there is no way to really simulate game-speed without actually participating with the team. He missed 3 games last year and came in shredding defenses, but that is much different than missing camp completely.


08/18/17, 05:48 PM CDT by Wheeler

Source: twitter.com


Eddie Lacy

Seattle Seahawks

Seattle's Crowded Backfield


Seattle Seahawks RB Thomas Rawls ankle injury will hold him out of week 2 preseason action on Friday. It’s being called a minor injury and Eddie Lacy is now expected to be the starting tailback for the second preseason game.

Fantasy Goo: When it was first announced that Rawls would get the start I thought nothing of it, teams usually rest their banged-up players week 2 anyway. Week 3 is what we really care about, but if they’re resting Rawls this week that becomes somewhat questionable. We should probably consider this a full blown committee at this point, in which case you can read our “League Winners” article to see who I think is worthy of drafting in this backfield.


08/17/17, 09:24 PM CDT by Wheeler

Source: twitter.com


Thomas Rawls

Seattle Seahawks

Seattle's Crowded Backfield


Seattle Seahawks RB Thomas Rawls ankle injury will hold him out of week 2 preseason action on Friday. It’s being called a minor injury and Eddie Lacy is now expected to be the starting tailback for the second preseason game.

Fantasy Goo: When it was first announced that Rawls would get the start I thought nothing of it, teams usually rest their banged-up players week 2 anyway. Week 3 is what we really care about, but if they’re resting Rawls this week that becomes somewhat questionable. We should probably consider this a full blown committee at this point, in which case you can read our “League Winners” article to see who I think is worthy of drafting in this backfield.


08/17/17, 09:24 PM CDT by Wheeler

Source: twitter.com


Andrew Luck

Indianapolis Colts

Indy Needs Some Luck


There has been quite a bit of concern about Andrew Luck’s availability to start the season on the active roster after offseason surgery. Hartbeat points out that, “Colts seem confident in Luck for week 1 as they haven't changed their playbook.” There is a concern about his offensive line though as starting C Ryan Kelly is likely to find himself on the designated IR for return after foot surgery.

Fantasy Goo: Luck put together a 2016 season with a career best 71.2 QBR and a 92.4 PFF grade. If he’s healthy he’s a must start, and his ADP has fallen nearly two rounds since August first. He is now being drafted as the eighth QB off the board. Check out the Draft Kit vol.3 to get the full goo.


08/17/17, 08:57 PM CDT by Wheeler

Source: twitter.com


Curtis Samuel

Carolina Panthers

Samuel Back in Pads


Curtis Samuel was back in full pads for today's practice (Wednesday), he has missed almost all of training camp with a hamstring problem that began as a issue in the spring. He's been out for so long that it's hard to see him having a immediate early-season role.

Fantasy Goo: Samuel is the ultimate utility knife if he can get healthy, he can pick up the big plays vacated by Ginn and match anything fellow rookie McCaffrey does in the passing game.


08/16/17, 08:15 PM CDT by Wheeler

Source: twitter.com


Ty Montgomery

Green Bay Packers

Green Bay Rookie's on Display


“Ty Montgomery’s likely absence from Saturday night’s preseason game at Washington will put an even bigger spotlight on the depth-chart battle involving three of Green Bay’s third-day draft picks. Williams is the front-runner in part because he’s shown the best aptitude for pass protection in the backfield. Jones has displayed a different gear in the open field that he’d love to show off in a game if he gets a crease. Mays is the best example of compact power, at 5-10 and 230 pounds.”

Fantasy Goo:Ty performed very well last year with the 3rd best juke rate of 34% and the best yards per contact per touch of all RBs at 2.8. The issue with Montgomery is Jamaal Williams is in line to take away the short yardage work and it’s unclear what type of volume Ty can handle as he rushed double digits in only 1 game.


08/16/17, 07:58 PM CDT by Wheeler

Source: www.packers.com


Jamaal Williams

Green Bay Packers

Green Bay Rookie's on Display


“Ty Montgomery’s likely absence from Saturday night’s preseason game at Washington will put an even bigger spotlight on the depth-chart battle involving three of Green Bay’s third-day draft picks. Williams is the front-runner in part because he’s shown the best aptitude for pass protection in the backfield. Jones has displayed a different gear in the open field that he’d love to show off in a game if he gets a crease. Mays is the best example of compact power, at 5-10 and 230 pounds.”

Fantasy Goo:Ty performed very well last year with the 3rd best juke rate of 34% and the best yards per contact per touch of all RBs at 2.8. The issue with Montgomery is Jamaal Williams is in line to take away the short yardage work and it’s unclear what type of volume Ty can handle as he rushed double digits in only 1 game.


08/16/17, 07:58 PM CDT by Wheeler

Source: www.packers.com


Jaron Brown

Arizona Cardinals

Jaron Number Two?


Larry Fitzgerald is the No. 1 wideout. Brown? “He’s No. 2 right now,” Coach Bruce Arians said Tuesday.
“I’ve been here for a while,” Jaron Brown said. “Every camp is different. We obviously have injuries, and that gives me an opportunity. I just try to take advantage.

Fantasy Goo: I could see Jaron shooting up draft boards, and I like him as a last round dart throw, but this just makes that receiving corps all the more crowded. A torn ACL prevented Jaron from possibly breaking-out last year. Yesterday we thought JJ Nelson would emerge, I’m sure we will be re-visiting this regularly.


08/16/17, 04:21 PM CDT by Wheeler

Source: twitter.com


Cole Beasley

Dallas Cowboys

Beasley Under the Radar


NFL Next Gen Stats have revealed many of their numbers to the public recently. Hartbeat picked this one out on Twitter: Cole Beasley adding another advanced stat that he thrives in, Top 10 in separation among all pass catchers.

Fantasy Goo: Beasley was one of the most efficient weapons in the NFL last year. His Defense-adjusted Yards above Replacement and Defense-adjusted Value over Average ranked as 5th best among WRs. For more on Beasley and others check out the Pyro Pulse podcast episode 6, WR Tiers.


08/15/17, 05:08 PM CDT by Wheeler

Source: twitter.com


John Brown

Arizona Cardinals

John Brown’s Health Back in Question


WR John Brown looking like sickle cell IS NOT being managed by the Cardinals. Could be another injury plagued season for Brown. Arians said WR John Brown not practicing full time is a concern (He's been participating in certain drills during practice).

Fantasy Goo: JJ Nelson was the WR11 in PPR scoring weeks 13-17, it appears as though we should be drafting Nelson as one of our late round flyers immediately. If the Brown news continues to be negative we will begin to see Nelson’s stock rise. Jaron Brown and Chad Williams are names we should also keep an eye on, but Arians has complained about their lack of performance publicly.


08/15/17, 04:28 PM CDT by Wheeler

Source: twitter.com


Maxx Williams

Baltimore Ravens

Maxx Looks Slow, Open Door for Watson


“Tight end Maxx Williams deserves a ton of credit for persevering through a serious knee surgery and getting back onto the field this summer. But in watching him run, it’s still pretty clear that he has a ways to go. He has bulked up and gotten considerably stronger, so it will be interesting to see whether he becomes more of a blocking tight end, assuming he’s on the season-opening roster.”

fantasy Goo: Ben Watson appears to be worth a last round flier. Denis Pitta was the number eight TE overall last year and he only scored 2 TD’s. Watson was the number 6 TE in 2015 with Drew Brees throwing him 6 TD’s.


08/15/17, 03:54 PM CDT by Wheeler

Source: www.baltimoresun.com


Ryan Mathews

Philadelphia Eagles

Ryan Matthews Released


After passing his physical earlier today, The Eagles have informed former starting RB Ryan Mathews that he's been released. This move was completely expected, the Eagles save a bunch of money by releasing him now.

Fantasy Goo: Hartbeat would like to see him land in: IND, SF, MIA or CHI (all backup roles). I think the Giants or Ravens should see what he has left in the tank, even if it’s just a few games Matthews is a talented back, he’s just been drenched with injuries. I don’t think the team that picks him up has to pay much for him.


08/15/17, 03:30 PM CDT by Wheeler

Source: twitter.com


Devonta Freeman

Atlanta Falcons

Freeman in Concussion Protocol


Coach Quinn says Devonta Freeman is in concussion protocol, will be ruled out for Sunday's game. This really means nothing if he’s back by next week, but if this lingers like Jay Ajayi’s concussion, Coleman might actually be worth his draft value in the sixth round.

Fantasy Goo: Despite being only 206 lbs he had the 3rd most RZ carries with 53. Although Coleman is an extremely strong receiver Freeman was still top 5 in catches among RBs on only a 63% snap share.


08/14/17, 04:34 PM CDT by Wheeler

Source: twitter.com


Leonard Fournette

Jacksonville Jaguars

Fournette Battling Same Issues


Jaguars rookie RB Leonard Fournette suffered a foot injury and HC Doug Marrone said team intends to be "careful with him." Fournette battled a recurring foot/ankle injury throughout his final season at LSU. It was a real problem most of the year.

Fantasy Goo: Fournette was clocked running 22.9 MPH at LSU last season, for reference Tyreek Hill was the NFLs fastest player at 23.2MPH. It appears as though Jacksonville is being cautious, but rookies need to get on the field and learn the nuances of the NFL, especially pass blocking.


08/14/17, 03:31 PM CDT by Wheeler

Source: twitter.com


Jordan Matthews

Buffalo Bills

Matthews Must Play With Pain


Bills' WR Jordan Mathews has what team is calling "a chip fracture in his sternum" and is week to week.
The good news is that it’s just a pain tolerance issue. The bad news is that it can be pretty painful.

Fantasy Goo: Matthews move to Buffalo had very little effect on his projections, but with lack of practice with his new team he will almost certainly get off to a slow start. Check the Pyro Pulse Podcast (Ep.5) to get the hot, sticky goo on how this affects the value of the other Bills and Eagles skill players.


08/14/17, 03:29 PM CDT by Wheeler

Source: twitter.com

Judge Houdini doesn't hold back on his bitch slapping ways for the final installment of 2016

Bitchslap!!! Installment 4 of 4 (2016)

Posted by d-Rx on 02/01/17

by   The Archer


@TheArcher


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The season is over and you have had time to digest your victory or your losses. This article is here to give you final resolution to your season if it ended poorly. I have taken it to the players throughout the season that have let you down, but the players in this list are the worst offenders. These players are the one’s that fell flat on their faces in the final four games of the fantasy season during Week 13-16. These players are all deserving of their time in slap spotlight, and I will also be crowning the winners of the infamous Golden Sombrero Bitchslap!!! There were many disappointments this season, and those poor performances made this year’s winners the largest class ever with six GSBS winners, or should I say LOSERS!!!

 


FIRST TIMERS

 

 

QUARTERBACKS

 

DREW BREES

Drew, you had a fantastic season and helped your owners earn a lot of wins, but when you were needed the most you let them down. In Week 13 when some of your owners were fighting for a playoff spot, you threw for 326 yards, but with no touchdowns and three interceptions. Then you followed that up with another stinker, throwing for 257 yards with no touchdowns and three more interceptions!!! Anyone that needed you in that first round of the playoffs got bounced. You did well, finally, in Week 15 with 389 passing yards with four touchdowns and no picks, but you failed to deliver in the championship with 299 passing yards and just one touchdown. You get the regular season STUD, playoff DUD BITCHSLAP!!!

 

PHILIP RIVERS

Philip you were very consistent in the final stanza, but consistent in the wrong way. You did throw for two touchdowns in every game, but you also threw seven interceptions. Then you failed to help out with any yardage, with games of 225, 236 and 206 in Week 13-15. You cost your owners their playoff wishes and caviar dreams giving you the Robin Leach BITCHSLAP!!!

 

BEN ROETHLISBERGER

Big Ben…more like Big Blah! You failed to deliver when you were needed the most. In Week 14 when the playoffs began, you took a BIG BEN DOOKIE on the field, throwing for 220 yards with no touchdowns and three interceptions. You followed that up with 286 passing yards, but just one touchdown. You tried to redeem yourself in Week 16 with 279 passing yards and three touchdowns, but you also threw two interceptions. You get the too little too late BITCHSLAP!!!

 

CAM NEWTON

Cam, you have barely avoided my wrath all season, but your performance down the stretch left you nowhere to hide. In the first two games of this period you threw for 182 and 160 yards, with 12 and 31 rushing yards and one touchdown pass in each game, and one interception in Week 14. You did not have a rushing touchdown, and in your final two games only ran for a total of 36 yards. There was no dimension to your game this season, but you may find yourself in the fourth dimension after this BITCHSLAP!!!

 

WIDE RECEIVERS

 

MIKE EVANS

You led your owners on a wild ride this season and cemented yourself as one of the best receivers in the NFL, but unfortunately your fantasy season ended in flames. You failed to score a touchdown in Week 13-15, and caught a total of 11 passes for 139 yards. Worst of all, your Week 14 performance cost me a chance to go to the title game!!! For this you get the good from far, but far from good BITCHSLAP!!!

 

LARRY FITZGERALD

Larry, you are one of the best receivers to ever lace up their shoes, but they tied together during the final stanza this season. You did not score a touchdown in your 24 catches, and only gained 178 yards, good for just 7.4 YPR. At that rate your going to need to catch a lot more passes to outgain your BITCHSLAP!!!

 

JORDAN MATTHEWS

It was quite a disappointing end to the season for you, and you gave your owners diminishing returns each week. You gained 79 yards in Week 14, but then only 27 the following week, and a paltry 12 yards in Week 16 with no touchdowns. For those diminishing returns you have earned an increasingly strong BITCHSLAP!!!

 

JAMISON CROWDER

Jamison, you were one of the biggest surprises of the season, and catapulted yourself from low-end bench player to starter. That jump in your production led you to being in most of your owner’s lineups down the stretch, but you left them a brown streak in their undies in return. You totaled 10 catches for a measly 106 yards with no touchdowns. You have earned the Coffee is for Closers BITCHSLAP!!!

 

RANDALL COBB

Randall, you play on one of the best offenses for wide receivers but you failed to make a dent in the fantasy playoffs. In three games played you caught a total of six passes for 52 yards with one touchdown. Your game was weak, but this backhand is strong with your BITCHSLAP!!!

 

TIGHT ENDS

 

DELANIE WALKER

Delanie it is a surprise to see you here, but you have made a name for yourself and now you have to deliver on it, which in the fantasy playoffs you did not! You caught two passes for 30 yards in Week 14, followed up with six catches for 55 yards, and closed out with three catches for 23 yards with a touchdown. Not horrible for a tight end, but pretty horrible when you carried your owners in the previous stanza. Now you have to carry the load of this BITCHSLAP!!!

 


SECOND TIMERS

 

 

RUNNING BACKS

 

THOMAS RAWLS

You started off this stanza with a bang in Week 13, carrying the rock 15 times for 106 yards with two scores, but then the playoffs happened. In the next three games you carried the ball 41 times for 109 yards with no touchdowns. Are you kidding me with a 2.7 YPC average!!! That pure pathetic display earns you the watch out for the rookie running back they draft in the second round next year BITCHSLAP!!!

 

TIGHT ENDS

 

JASON WITTEN

Jason, your story was all about here and gone in this stanza. Your owners may have trusted you at the start of it, but you totaled just four catches for 26 yards in Week 13-14, with a goose egg in the former. That earned you a benching by all of your owners that were still alive, and then you catch 10 passes for 51 yards and followed that up with two receptions for 33 yards with a touchdown. The end was good, but not good enough to avoid your second BITCHSLAP!!!

 


THREE TIMERS

 

 

QUARTERBACKS

 

ELI MANNING

Eli, this is your third time back, so obviously you did not learn anything from our past encounters. This was a particularly dreadful close to a dreadful season. You totaled just 589 passing yards in Weeks 13-15 with five touchdowns and three interceptions. You tried to make up for it in Week 16 throwing for 356 yards with a touchdown, but you also threw three interceptions nullifying your positives. You are once, twice, three times a BITCHSLAP!!!

 

WIDE RECEIVERS

 

AMARI COOPER

Amari, you a star on the rise, but your star was definitely falling during this period. It started out with a decent fantasy day, catching two passes for 59 yards with a touchdown, but it was all downhill after that. In the first week of the fantasy playoffs you caught five passes, but only mustered 29 yards!!! You sure made up for that next week with you 28 YPR average, but that is because you only caught one pass for 28 yards!!! Your five catches for 76 yards in Week 16 did not make up for the losses you caused and earned you your third BITCHSLAP!!!

 

ALLEN ROBINSON

ARob, you were a thief too often this season, and your finish to the year was the ultimate robbery from your fantasy owners. Your performance in Week’s 13-15 was like an alcoholic hitting rock bottom. You caught a total of six passes for 63 yards and no touchdowns, and only 32 yards in the final two weeks. If your owners were alive in the championship you were not in their lineup, so your nine receptions for 147 yards in Week 16 was a slap in the face to your owners. For that and your repeated failures, enjoy your third BITCHSLAP!!!

 

TIGHT ENDS

 

GARY BARNIDGE

Gary, you have a lot of built in excuses this season playing in the Browns offense, but you were never able to take advantage of being the second option in the passing game. In the fantasy playoffs your performance got better each week, but going from 27 yards to 35 yards and finally 42 yards in Week 16 without a touchdown is like kissing your cousin, and that is itself is worthy of a BITCHSLAP!!!

 


GOLDEN SOMBRERO BITCHSLAP!!!

 

 

The time has come to crown the worst of the worst. These six players were among the worst in each of the four stanzas this season, and their pathetic displays earned them the most feared award in all of sports…THE GOLDEN SOMBRERO BITCHSLAP@!!

 

RYAN FITZPATRICK

Ryan, there is not much to say here except that you were complete trash this season. The final memory you left us with was like puking all night and not brushing your teeth for the next week. In the three games you played during the final stanza you only threw for a total of 249 yards with NO touchdowns and four interceptions. There is no doubt that you are at the head of the class when it comes to this award this year. You are a well deserving owner of THE GOLDEN SOMBRERO BITCHSLAP@!!

 

TODD GURLEY

Todd, you almost avoided this list with the two touchdowns that you scored in this period, but totaling 253 yards in four games is not good enough for a first round draft pick. You were the talk of the league last season, which drove your cost up this year, but your game this season was like an old Grand Marque spinning its wheels stuck in the snow. Hopefully you will either get some sandbags for your trunk or upgrade to an all wheel drive vehicle next year, but until then you have earned THE GOLDEN SOMBRERO BITCHSLAP@!!

 

BRANDON MARSHALL

Brandon, you have had a tendency to mail it in when things don’t go your way, and this season you sent it in overnight express mail. The end to the season could not come fast enough for your owners, as you laid egg after egg after egg. Your final four game yardage totals of 43, 33, 16 and 28 yards was a total disaster. You always have an opinion and now you have the GOLDEN SOMBRERO BITCHSLAP@!!

 

MICHAEL FLOYD

Michael, you literally fell asleep at the wheel during this stanza, played for two teams, and fell flat on your face in all aspects. In three games you caught a total of six passes for 42 yards with no touchdowns. You should be the poster child for this award, because I think you actually pissed on your own sombrero when you were drunk, so enjoy your self serve on THE GOLDEN SOMBRERO BITCHSLAP@!!

 

JOHN BROWN

Talk about trying to run away with this award, but that is exactly what you did this stanza. You started out with two goose eggs, which basically cemented your place here. You then caught five passes for 81 yards with a touchdown the next week and another strong showing could have kept you safe from the sombrero, but you put up another dud with one catch for 12 yards. Those horrible performances locked down THE GOLDEN SOMBRERO BITCHSLAP@!!

 

COBY FLEENER

Coby, your season could have been so different playing in an offense with the 5,000-yard man in Drew Brees, but you failed to capitalize on that advantage. In Week 13 you started off strong with five catches for 86 yards, but in the fantasy playoffs you totaled five catches for 46 yards and failed to score a touchdown in the stanza. You are my number one disappointment this year and the shameful owner of THE GOLDEN SOMBRERO BITCHSLAP@!!

 

 

By: Houdini

 

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