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Judge Houdini doesn't hold back on his bitch slapping ways for the final installment of 2016

Bitchslap!!! Installment 4 of 4 (2016)

Posted by d-Rx on 02/01/17

The season is over and you have had time to digest your victory or your losses. This article is here to give you final resolution to your season if it ended poorly. I have taken it to the players throughout the season that have let you down, but the players in this list are the worst offenders. These players are the one’s that fell flat on their faces in the final four games of the fantasy season during Week 13-16. These players are all deserving of their time in slap spotlight, and I will also be crowning the winners of the infamous Golden Sombrero Bitchslap!!! There were many disappointments this season, and those poor performances made this year’s winners the largest class ever with six GSBS winners, or should I say LOSERS!!!

 


FIRST TIMERS

 

 

QUARTERBACKS

 

DREW BREES

Drew, you had a fantastic season and helped your owners earn a lot of wins, but when you were needed the most you let them down. In Week 13 when some of your owners were fighting for a playoff spot, you threw for 326 yards, but with no touchdowns and three interceptions. Then you followed that up with another stinker, throwing for 257 yards with no touchdowns and three more interceptions!!! Anyone that needed you in that first round of the playoffs got bounced. You did well, finally, in Week 15 with 389 passing yards with four touchdowns and no picks, but you failed to deliver in the championship with 299 passing yards and just one touchdown. You get the regular season STUD, playoff DUD BITCHSLAP!!!

 

PHILIP RIVERS

Philip you were very consistent in the final stanza, but consistent in the wrong way. You did throw for two touchdowns in every game, but you also threw seven interceptions. Then you failed to help out with any yardage, with games of 225, 236 and 206 in Week 13-15. You cost your owners their playoff wishes and caviar dreams giving you the Robin Leach BITCHSLAP!!!

 

BEN ROETHLISBERGER

Big Ben…more like Big Blah! You failed to deliver when you were needed the most. In Week 14 when the playoffs began, you took a BIG BEN DOOKIE on the field, throwing for 220 yards with no touchdowns and three interceptions. You followed that up with 286 passing yards, but just one touchdown. You tried to redeem yourself in Week 16 with 279 passing yards and three touchdowns, but you also threw two interceptions. You get the too little too late BITCHSLAP!!!

 

CAM NEWTON

Cam, you have barely avoided my wrath all season, but your performance down the stretch left you nowhere to hide. In the first two games of this period you threw for 182 and 160 yards, with 12 and 31 rushing yards and one touchdown pass in each game, and one interception in Week 14. You did not have a rushing touchdown, and in your final two games only ran for a total of 36 yards. There was no dimension to your game this season, but you may find yourself in the fourth dimension after this BITCHSLAP!!!

 

WIDE RECEIVERS

 

MIKE EVANS

You led your owners on a wild ride this season and cemented yourself as one of the best receivers in the NFL, but unfortunately your fantasy season ended in flames. You failed to score a touchdown in Week 13-15, and caught a total of 11 passes for 139 yards. Worst of all, your Week 14 performance cost me a chance to go to the title game!!! For this you get the good from far, but far from good BITCHSLAP!!!

 

LARRY FITZGERALD

Larry, you are one of the best receivers to ever lace up their shoes, but they tied together during the final stanza this season. You did not score a touchdown in your 24 catches, and only gained 178 yards, good for just 7.4 YPR. At that rate your going to need to catch a lot more passes to outgain your BITCHSLAP!!!

 

JORDAN MATTHEWS

It was quite a disappointing end to the season for you, and you gave your owners diminishing returns each week. You gained 79 yards in Week 14, but then only 27 the following week, and a paltry 12 yards in Week 16 with no touchdowns. For those diminishing returns you have earned an increasingly strong BITCHSLAP!!!

 

JAMISON CROWDER

Jamison, you were one of the biggest surprises of the season, and catapulted yourself from low-end bench player to starter. That jump in your production led you to being in most of your owner’s lineups down the stretch, but you left them a brown streak in their undies in return. You totaled 10 catches for a measly 106 yards with no touchdowns. You have earned the Coffee is for Closers BITCHSLAP!!!

 

RANDALL COBB

Randall, you play on one of the best offenses for wide receivers but you failed to make a dent in the fantasy playoffs. In three games played you caught a total of six passes for 52 yards with one touchdown. Your game was weak, but this backhand is strong with your BITCHSLAP!!!

 

TIGHT ENDS

 

DELANIE WALKER

Delanie it is a surprise to see you here, but you have made a name for yourself and now you have to deliver on it, which in the fantasy playoffs you did not! You caught two passes for 30 yards in Week 14, followed up with six catches for 55 yards, and closed out with three catches for 23 yards with a touchdown. Not horrible for a tight end, but pretty horrible when you carried your owners in the previous stanza. Now you have to carry the load of this BITCHSLAP!!!

 


SECOND TIMERS

 

 

RUNNING BACKS

 

THOMAS RAWLS

You started off this stanza with a bang in Week 13, carrying the rock 15 times for 106 yards with two scores, but then the playoffs happened. In the next three games you carried the ball 41 times for 109 yards with no touchdowns. Are you kidding me with a 2.7 YPC average!!! That pure pathetic display earns you the watch out for the rookie running back they draft in the second round next year BITCHSLAP!!!

 

TIGHT ENDS

 

JASON WITTEN

Jason, your story was all about here and gone in this stanza. Your owners may have trusted you at the start of it, but you totaled just four catches for 26 yards in Week 13-14, with a goose egg in the former. That earned you a benching by all of your owners that were still alive, and then you catch 10 passes for 51 yards and followed that up with two receptions for 33 yards with a touchdown. The end was good, but not good enough to avoid your second BITCHSLAP!!!

 


THREE TIMERS

 

 

QUARTERBACKS

 

ELI MANNING

Eli, this is your third time back, so obviously you did not learn anything from our past encounters. This was a particularly dreadful close to a dreadful season. You totaled just 589 passing yards in Weeks 13-15 with five touchdowns and three interceptions. You tried to make up for it in Week 16 throwing for 356 yards with a touchdown, but you also threw three interceptions nullifying your positives. You are once, twice, three times a BITCHSLAP!!!

 

WIDE RECEIVERS

 

AMARI COOPER

Amari, you a star on the rise, but your star was definitely falling during this period. It started out with a decent fantasy day, catching two passes for 59 yards with a touchdown, but it was all downhill after that. In the first week of the fantasy playoffs you caught five passes, but only mustered 29 yards!!! You sure made up for that next week with you 28 YPR average, but that is because you only caught one pass for 28 yards!!! Your five catches for 76 yards in Week 16 did not make up for the losses you caused and earned you your third BITCHSLAP!!!

 

ALLEN ROBINSON

ARob, you were a thief too often this season, and your finish to the year was the ultimate robbery from your fantasy owners. Your performance in Week’s 13-15 was like an alcoholic hitting rock bottom. You caught a total of six passes for 63 yards and no touchdowns, and only 32 yards in the final two weeks. If your owners were alive in the championship you were not in their lineup, so your nine receptions for 147 yards in Week 16 was a slap in the face to your owners. For that and your repeated failures, enjoy your third BITCHSLAP!!!

 

TIGHT ENDS

 

GARY BARNIDGE

Gary, you have a lot of built in excuses this season playing in the Browns offense, but you were never able to take advantage of being the second option in the passing game. In the fantasy playoffs your performance got better each week, but going from 27 yards to 35 yards and finally 42 yards in Week 16 without a touchdown is like kissing your cousin, and that is itself is worthy of a BITCHSLAP!!!

 


GOLDEN SOMBRERO BITCHSLAP!!!

 

 

The time has come to crown the worst of the worst. These six players were among the worst in each of the four stanzas this season, and their pathetic displays earned them the most feared award in all of sports…THE GOLDEN SOMBRERO BITCHSLAP@!!

 

RYAN FITZPATRICK

Ryan, there is not much to say here except that you were complete trash this season. The final memory you left us with was like puking all night and not brushing your teeth for the next week. In the three games you played during the final stanza you only threw for a total of 249 yards with NO touchdowns and four interceptions. There is no doubt that you are at the head of the class when it comes to this award this year. You are a well deserving owner of THE GOLDEN SOMBRERO BITCHSLAP@!!

 

TODD GURLEY

Todd, you almost avoided this list with the two touchdowns that you scored in this period, but totaling 253 yards in four games is not good enough for a first round draft pick. You were the talk of the league last season, which drove your cost up this year, but your game this season was like an old Grand Marque spinning its wheels stuck in the snow. Hopefully you will either get some sandbags for your trunk or upgrade to an all wheel drive vehicle next year, but until then you have earned THE GOLDEN SOMBRERO BITCHSLAP@!!

 

BRANDON MARSHALL

Brandon, you have had a tendency to mail it in when things don’t go your way, and this season you sent it in overnight express mail. The end to the season could not come fast enough for your owners, as you laid egg after egg after egg. Your final four game yardage totals of 43, 33, 16 and 28 yards was a total disaster. You always have an opinion and now you have the GOLDEN SOMBRERO BITCHSLAP@!!

 

MICHAEL FLOYD

Michael, you literally fell asleep at the wheel during this stanza, played for two teams, and fell flat on your face in all aspects. In three games you caught a total of six passes for 42 yards with no touchdowns. You should be the poster child for this award, because I think you actually pissed on your own sombrero when you were drunk, so enjoy your self serve on THE GOLDEN SOMBRERO BITCHSLAP@!!

 

JOHN BROWN

Talk about trying to run away with this award, but that is exactly what you did this stanza. You started out with two goose eggs, which basically cemented your place here. You then caught five passes for 81 yards with a touchdown the next week and another strong showing could have kept you safe from the sombrero, but you put up another dud with one catch for 12 yards. Those horrible performances locked down THE GOLDEN SOMBRERO BITCHSLAP@!!

 

COBY FLEENER

Coby, your season could have been so different playing in an offense with the 5,000-yard man in Drew Brees, but you failed to capitalize on that advantage. In Week 13 you started off strong with five catches for 86 yards, but in the fantasy playoffs you totaled five catches for 46 yards and failed to score a touchdown in the stanza. You are my number one disappointment this year and the shameful owner of THE GOLDEN SOMBRERO BITCHSLAP@!!

 

 

By: Houdini

 

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