WEEK 2 IN REVIEW (2011)-  09/19/11

 

d-Rx®:

 

-Nothing worse than the guy that is alone with his laptop, 3 cell phones out, has his Bluetool piece in his ear yelling at other guys in his league. Then when the Bears do something bad he yells at the TV like someone just spit in his face. Hey there guy, you are a spectator - yer not on the team, have fun - enjoy yourself. 

 

-Devery Henderson looks to be legit finally. He always comes out big and then disappears, hope he stays the course this year - because Colston is over-rated.

 

-Mark Rypien looks like a giant next to Mike Shanahan and Joe Thiesman. Has he gotten bigger? I never knew he was Andre The Giantesque.

 

 

-Really sad day for Jamaal Charles. Thank god he signed an extension last December, because at this position you have to get paid right away. You look at a guy like Matt Forte, who wants a contract right now... if he were to have that exact same injury that just ended Jamaal Charles' season... he'd be totally F'd.

 

 

-Pam Oliver is starting to look more and more like Ophra Winfrey every season. She's thicker than a McDonald's milkshake with a newfound cherry on the bottom.

 

-I just noticed that I was biting my nails a lot on Sunday. I guess the thought of starting my best league at 0-2 is too much to handle. Thank the lord above I pulled off the victory. 1-1 is so much more managable. If you are 0-2 don't wholesale your team though, make moves - not reactionary mistakes.

 

-The Bears were losing by 3 points (16-13) when they decided to totally abandon the run. They lost. Whole Lot of Lovie and All You Need Is Lovie need to be replaced with Shovie Lovie Into Unemployment. I know it's Martz's offense, but you need to be in charge of it all when you are the head coach. Mike Ditka said on Countdown on ESPN before the Bears game that when they run 25+ times they are 10-0 in their last set of games they've played. That sums it up, you need to run the ball Bears.

 

-Jimmy Graham, the unproven, highly drafted TE for the Saints looks super legit... he's tall as hell and looks fast. If this guy can block too, and stay on the field every down - he's going to be better than a number of guys drafted ahead of him. Tight ends are a dime a dozen right now, I've never seen so much talent in the league at one position than the NFL currently has in Tight Ends. Next year I will be advising people to hold off on TEs till after the 6th round... just too many athletes on opportunities to make plays at the position currently.

 

-The fact that the Carolina Panthers can stay in the game with the Packers is amazing for anyone that has a Panther player on their team (Newton, Williams, Smith or Stewert solely, maybe Olsen) right now. 

 

-The fact that Carolina can stay in the game offensively is scary as hell for the Green Bay Packers defensively.

 

-Again, I notice the reason I have not much faith in Cutler, even when I except the fact that he's a solid QB - they just showed a picture of him about as far away from the rest of the team as one that is on the field can possibly be. He just is not one of those guys that is in amongst the epicenter of the bench at game time, talking to guys and watching the overhead film print outs. It's so disturbing... That offensive line is so bad, way to address that.

 

- Tony Romo couldn't have scripted it any better. Lot's of anti-ROmo chatter always happening with this guy, because he's the leader of "America's Team" and he's had an up and down road thus far. To the rings or nothing contingent, he's done nothing. Pundits and douche bags that have no athletic talent at like (see Jim Rome, Skip Bayless & Steven S. Smith) were comparing him to losers and LeBron, and then this. The guy broke a rib and punctured his lung on the third play of the game. He played less than a minute of the 3rd quarter and then just displayed a jawdropping comback. Nice work Romo, your flair for the dramatic is somewhat remarkable. Well done.

 

 

-My least favorite thing in fantasy sports is when defenses are rewarded too many points. You know it sucks when the Chicago Bears get as many points from their special teams, sacks, interceptions, holding opponent low in scoring, fumbles, and the rest of it all scores your opponent more points than a 100+ yard game with 2 TDs by Adrien Peterson... IDP is great, but when you have a team defense outscoring 90% of the players in your starting lineup regularly... YOU are the perfect target for a league that needs to go IDP (Individual Defensive PLayers).

 

-The worst Bears offseason (as defined by The Maltease Dragon):

-The offseason to fix the offensive line was embarassing

-They knew the #1 problem with the team was the offensive line
-They draft Camini who doesn't play the position they need
-Making the team move everyone around and go out of position
-Not 1 player on the offensive line has been at their positon for 1 year
-No continuity
-Brainless maneuvers by the Brass top brass
-When you disregard your team's biggest needs in the offseason your team fails at the same things again

 

- Fred Davis is a man amognst boys. The Cooley injury has basically ended his reign in Washington - Colley is done in Washington, Fred Davis is a total beast, he has it all. Shanahan has found his Shannon Sharpe.

 

-Welcome to the NFL A.J. Green, in my mind you are already in the discussion for the most talented WR in the league. There are a lot of players to be considered here, but you make the shortlist: Brandon Marshall, Megatron, Andre Johnson, Percy Harvin, Kenny Britt, T.O., DeSean Jackson, Larry Fitzgerald, and a few others. Anyway, that catch by A.J. yesterday was insane, and he's been doing it at every level - I'M A HUGE FAN!!

 

-Daniel Thomas is going to have the best season for a offensive rookie player. He's ready to shine... 

 

 

HOUDINI:

 

Steve Smith - I think it is safe to say that this guy is back as a fantasy impact player with 6 receptions for 156 yards.  The Panthers don't have a lot and Cam Newton knows he can trust in Smith.

Cam Newton - Ok so today he came back to earth a little bit as he threw 3 Int, but he threw for 432 yards and had 485 total yards...are you kidding me...against the Packers.  If he is available you should grab him on principal.  He is a real threat and will continue to post numbers.

Drew Brees - 270 yards, 3 TD's including a 79 yard score.  This guys is just a fantasy Beast who puts up points just about every week.  

Tom Brady - All World Brady does it again 423 yards and 3 TD.  It is clear that he is gunning to have a career year, and that is scary.

Matthew Stafford - This guy continues to impress.  This week all he does is throw 4 TD passes and go for 294 yards.  He is becoming one of the best draft values with his production over 2 weeks.

 

Kenny Britt - The breakout has happened.  This guy is just a STUD!!!  He is the main weapon for the Titans and is showing he can do it week in and week out.  He could be a top 10 WR by the time this year is done.

 

Darren McFadden - McFadden is showing he is a workhorse back and he is a threat to score at all times.  This week he piled up 143 total yards and 2 TD, although he did have a fumble.  He is going to be a fantasy dream this year.

  

Darren Sproles - For a guy that was undrafted in many leagues he is proving to be a consistent source of points.  Brees loves using him in the screen game and the Saints were the perfect fit for his style of play.  8 receptions for 60 yards and TD against the Bears defense is pretty impressive. 

Matt Forte - It is clear that he is the only the weapon the Bears have and will continue to see plenty of touches.  Each game he puts up like this weeks 10 receptions and 166 total yards only adds to his price for the Bears to sign him long term.   Look for more games like this for Forte.

Daniel Thomas - The rookie has arrived in Miami.  I hope you traded Reggie Bush when you had the chance.  The big boy ran for his first 100 yard game today with 107 yards on 18 carries.  He did have a fumble, but he showed he can carry the ball inside and he is a bruiser of a runner.  

Miles Austin - This guy just exploded today against the 49ers.  Not 1, not 2 but 3 TD grabs on the day for Austin...he was unstoppable.  Two good weeks in a row for him, he is looking to have a pro bowl type season.  

Denarius Moore - Rookie made a big splash for the Raiders today and put his name on the fantasy map.  Going off for 5 receptions for 171 total yards including a 50 yard TD catch.  He has a lot of ability and with the fact no one else has stepped up in Oakland he could quick become a threat who sees a lot more targets going forward.  

 

 

 

Total Recall:

Dispatches from the Lions’ bandwagon; No.2. 

-Speaking of No. 2: Boy, do the Chiefs look like shit on a stick.  They look sorta like this big, steaming pile of human poo I once saw halfway up the stairwell to the Addison Red Line platform.  Oh yeah, woohoo for Detroit because of the working people and the economy and …

-Seriously, are the Chiefs this bad?

-MNF desperately needs an old-school color guy, a la Don Meredith.  Honestly, keep either Jaworski or Grumpy Face; they’re both good, but they’re both playing the same role.  The other one has to go. Again, it doesn’t really matter which one.   Replace the short straw with someone with a sense of fucking humor who has some awareness of what’s going on outside of the world of muscle-bound men in helmets and tight pants.  They need the football equivalent of Charles Barkley.

 

-What’s Favre up to these days?  Is he funny (I honestly don’t know.)  What if we got him a bottle of Vicodin and a case of Dixie beer for each broadcast?

 

-Do you think Drew Brees’ hatred for that birthmark fuels his drive to succeed?

-Every time you think the Steelers aren’t good any more, they go out and kick somebody’s ass.

-I think it’s good for the game that Cam Newton put up even gaudier numbers this week than last.  I think it’s even better that Charles Woodson picked him off twice in the Pack’s victory.
I’m no Michigan fan by any stretch, but it was pretty cool when Woodson won the Heisman.  A lot cooler than when Newton won it.

-Another bad-ass old guy is Tony Gonzales.  That one-handed catch?

-Michael Vick’s back-up is named Kafka.  That’s hilarious.

-It was a big day for comebacks by scrappy Irish-American quarterbacks.  Ryan, Fitzpatrick, Freeman.   Tom Brady, of course, led from the beginning.  Did you know he’s married to Gisele Bundchen, too?  Pretty boy.  Fuck him.

 

-Cowboys-49ers just don’t mean what it used to, does it? 

-Of course, what do you fuckers really care, anyway?  You’re more interested in adding up the stats of your various “draft picks” in order to determine whether your “team” beat the “team” which was “drafted” by your brother-in-law.

 

See you next week!

 

 

 

Week 2 Memo by Buck Nasty:

 

Claudia: "Look Mr. Munster, You're not exactly the smartest guy I ever ran across." 

Roy Munson: "Oh yeah, and who are you, Alfred Einstein?" 

 

 

You Got “Munsoned” if…

 

- you started Mike Williams (TB) - 1 catch for (-4) yds.  Williams did have a TD called back in the 3^rd quarter because of an illegal shift penalty, but for most of the game, Cedric Griffin covered him like a glove.  Watch the trouble child closely.  He has had more arrests than Week 2 targets (4)

 

- you started Antonio Gates.  What do Gates and the Seahawks have in common?  NOTHING.  Both Gates and the Seahawks scored ‘nothing’ in Week 2.  Gates was bracketed, hit at the line, and doubled all day long.  If you are a VJ owner, you would like to see more of that Defensive game plan moving forward.

 

- you started DeAngelo Williams.  For the second straight week, The Carolina Panthers showed that their offense is simply called “Cam Newton”.  Even still, you would think their guaranteed $21 million dollar man would touch the ball just a little more.  So far, D-Will is a worse investment than most 401K plans.  If you drafted him as your #2 RB, you’re in the red.   

 

- you started the Raven’s DST.  This unit is owed in 100% of CBS leagues, and started in 95% of them.  Raven’s owners were awarded with 2 pts on Sunday.  The fucking Seahawks tied them in Week 2.  Hasselsmack threw for 358 yards, while Kenny Britt abused them (like his women) with 9 receptions, 135 yards & 1 dong.  I guess the NFL (Not For Long) holds true for the Raven’s DE in week 2.

 

- you started Jamal Charles.  Charles blew out his ACL after rushing for 27 yards.  Charles extended his leg for a first down, but misjudged his stride, slipped on the first down marker, torn his ACL, and got decleated by “Roary” the Lion.  Charles owners will be scrambling this week to make up for their top 6 draft pick.  Note:  Tom Jones is a singer/actor, and Dexter is a bloodstain pattern analyst.

 

- you started Plaxico Burress.  What do Plax, Gates, and the Seahawks have in common?  NOTHING.  You’re shooting yourself today if you started Plax.

 

- you started any Bear’s player other than Forte.   What did we all pick up from the Bears /Saints game?  Answer:  CUTLER.  Cutler went down 6 times, and he is now on track to be sacked 88 times in 2011.  To make matters worse, Gabe Carimi dislocated his knee cap, and will miss at least 4 games. If that isn’t enough, the Bears host the Packers this Sunday.  The Offensive Line was unable to comment, as they were in a rush to get back to their “real” jobs as Bouncers at Paris Club for Industry night.  Prediction:  Jerry Angelo will get arrested on manslaughter charges by Week 4.

 

...you started Mario Manningham. Super Mario was anything but super in week 2. I've said for a long time that your overall record on Monday night can make or break your fantasy season. In this case, Mario lost many fantasy owners their week 2 games. Manning-HAM dropped 2 balls in the first quarter, but his true lowlight came before halftime. He streaked alone down the sideline for a wide open TD reception, but as the ball hit his hands, he lost focus, and bobbled the perfectly throw pass from Eli. Although he still caught his own bobble, he ended up bashing his skull on the turf, giving himself a non-contact concussion. He was lost for the 2nd half, and many fantasy owners will never trust him again...."Manning-HAM, it's what's not for dinner"

 

 

by d-Rx®, Houdini, Buck Nasty, Total Recall

 

  

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- 09/19/11