Staggs designs the perfect fantasy football Quarterback!
Designing the Perfect Fantasy QB
Have you ever wished you could be a mad scientist and create a football team of mutated supermen? What if through some breakthrough in genetic engineering we were able to make the perfect player, for fantasy domination. This guy would be the unquestioned number one player at his position. Every player in the league has strengths and weaknesses, and it is up to me to harness these strengths and put together a player, mutating the best features of each into the perfect Fantasy stud, albeit mutated. The quarterback is the most important position on the football field so that is where our genetic experiment will begin.
The quarterback mutation will be built on 11 different criteria blended together to make the perfect player at the position. These 11 genetic mutations are: Speed, Athleticism, Size, Arm Strength, Accuracy, Touch, Decision Making, Presence, Balls, Toughness, and Bravado. He will also be surrounded with an offense that will make him impossible to stop. We must choose one player at his position to take an attribute from and each player can only be “harvested” once. Let us begin our experiment:
Speed – Like him or not Mike Vick is the fastest man to ever play the quarterback position. Mike Vick is one of those guys that are so fast he has two forty times, those that are rumored like a 4.25 and those that have been confirmed such as a 4.36 at a rookie minicamp for the Falcons or a 4.33 at his pro day. During his time in Atlanta Vick set records all the time with his running prowess including posting the most rushing yards ever by a quarterback in a season with 1,039 yards. There was also a game in 2002 where Vick was unreal against the Rams rushing 29 times for 289 yards and a score. Too bad Andy Reid refuses to run a few designed runs for Vick these days or we could get to see more of one of the most electric players in NFL history.
Athleticism – My quarterback will be given the athleticism of none other than the amazing Robert Griffin the Third. RG3 was a world class athlete not just in football but also in track and field. At the combine he was able to run a 4.4 forty, the fastest 40 of a quarterback in this years draft, put up a 10 foot broad jump, and post a 39” inch vertical. This guy has receiver like athleticism as a quarterback and that is why he is the perfect specimen for our subject. He not only has great peripheral numbers but he has been able to translate those into stats at the NFL level. In 7 games this year he has rushed 64 times for 478 yards, a tremendous 7.3 YPC number and also score 6 times. That means over the course of the season our quarterback will get you 100 extra points on his rushing yards and 72 more when he finds the end-zone at least 12 times.
Size – When talent evaluators talk about prototypical size for the quarterback position they are talking about Cam Newton. He is massively big, the size of a tight end for most teams at 6’5” 250 pounds. At this size he is able to withstand those hits he is going to take through the course of the season. With just size and speed alone our quarterback might be the Billion Dollar Man. At this size, coupled with his speed he will be a wrecking ball through defenses into the end-zone, too big for defensive backs and too fast for anyone in the front seven.
Arm Strength – I am tempted to choose Jamarcus Russell as the candidate here, with the ability to launch a ball 80 yards from his knee, but it seems as if his blood has been laced with Nyquil. My second choice would be Jay Cutler. Cutler has a canon which allows him to make every NFL throw and launch it downfield when set in the pocket or on the run. He can throw from the opposite hash to the next sideline without even batting an eyelash. Our specimens ability to fit the ball into tight spaces will be a major force throughout the season, let’s hope those receivers have some strong hands.
Accuracy – This one might be the most obvious of all, there is no better choice than Drew Brees. Drew set the record for completion percentage in a season at 71.2% last season, making him the most accurate quarterback EVER. Our specimen will be able to find the open guy and have him catch it in the perfect spot all year long. He has innate ability to throw the ball where no one else can touch it and has great ball placement, it is a magical thing watching Drew put the ball on the back shoulder of a receiver whenever he wants to.
Touch – Touch is one of the more underrated aspects of an NFL passer, it is usually used to talk about guys with a lack of arm strength and therefore is sort of a castoff in making a great NFL passer. Touch is something that is also said about a lot of the shorter quarterbacks in the league as they have to throw over bigger lineman and defenders on every play. Matt Ryan might not be the shortest quarterback in the league but he displays great touch. Whether it is lofting over linebackers in the middle of the field to hit Gonzo or throwing it over the corner and safety to a streaking Julio Jones.
Decision Making – Our quarterback will be able to process decisions like the best in the business, Aaron Rodgers. Rodger’s is the best decision maker in the NFL, every quarterback in the league is going to throw a few interceptions but Aaron Rodgers has one of the best rates EVER! The specimen would be able to assess the situation and attack in the best way possible, hitting an open receiver and rarely being picked off for those negative points. A TD to INT ratio of 45:6 last season for Rodgers is amazing and it helps that last season this guy put up the BEST QB rating in a season of all time while also having the best QB rating for a career by almost 8 full points!
Presence – Presence is one of those things I can’t justify to you with numbers except for winning percentage, but the guy we will sample for this has a career winning percentage of 67.3, while not the best it certainly is right up there. Peyton Manning just has a commanding presence and you can tell by simply watching any game he has played in over the last ten years, he can make accurate checks at the line of scrimmage, demand respect from his teammates, and get more out of each and every one of them when they are on the field with him. This guy is a field general and he makes his presence felt so strongly that you can feel it resonate through your TV screen. With a presence like this no one will question our specimen about his disposition or leadership skills.
Balls – This guy is currently on a start streak of 137 games in the regular and post season, Eli Manning. He always seems to play well on the biggest stage, winning 2 Superbowl rings already and as the centerpiece of the Giants it is hard not to imagine him getting a few more. With the brass in between this guy’s legs we will be able to count on him being in the lineup every time the team takes the field, and no matter the score this guy will be in the game. If the team is down our quarterback will have the resiliency to fight and bring his team back. Eli already has 23 4th quarter comebacks and I am sure that no team wants to be up less than a touchdown in the fourth quarter with this guy at the helm. If nothing else, if our quarterback ever suffers a concussion no one will ever know because of Eli’s facial expressions already look concussed.
Toughness – Ben Roethlisberger is one of the toughest dudes in the league, constantly getting slammed to the ground and consistently getting back up and leading his team into the endzone. The Steelers have always been known as the smash-mouth team around NFL circles and Big Ben is about as smash-mouth as you get from the Quarterback position, when you picture a blue collar grinder that plays the quarterback position is there anyone else you can think of then Roesthlisberger. His toughness always stands out when you watch Steelers games and his team looks like they will battle with him through anything.
Bravado – Finally our quarterback will have the bravado of Tom Brady. He will have so much swagger it’s contagious, making those around him feel up to the cause. His Bravado will be a blend of balls, toughness, presence, leadership, and probably some sweet endorsement deals, sorry Dodge Dart BMW’s only for this guy, to make him the baddest man on the planet.
There you have it the makings of a perfect fantasy QB, the speed of Mike Vick, athleticism of RG3, the size of Cam Newton, the arm strength of Jay Cutler, the accuracy of Drew Brees, the touch of Matt Ryan, the decision making of Aaron Rodgers, the presence of Peyton Manning, the balls of Eli Manning, the toughness of Big Ben, and finally the bravado of Tom Brady.
A projected stat line for the man, the myth, the legend: 440 completions, 600 attempts, for 5,500 yards 52 Touchdowns to 8 Interceptions. 125 rushes 1,000 yards and 16 Touchdowns and 4 fumbles lost.Total Fantasy Points: 600 Fantasy Points. Fantasy Points per Game: 37.5
To make best use out of this guy we will have to put him in a talented offense, so why not the Atlanta Falcons, here is what they possess a solid offensive line, a run game boosted by our QB’s rushing prowess, two great receivers, a great tight end and an underrated slot guy, with our QB at the helm this would be amazing to watch.
by: Stagg Party